Meyers Briggs partner

We partner with business psychology experts around the world so it’s easy for you to access the psychometric assessments and support you need. Use the filters below to find organisations local to you. Free personality test - take it to find out why our readers say that this personality test is so accurate, “it's a little bit creepy.” No registration required! Featuring the 16 Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personalities and their perfect relationship matches. Find out which MBTI personality matches you best. And while the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator can really help with self-evaluation, it can also assist you in learning other things, ... or even a long-term partner. Here is the best match for each Myers-Briggs personality type. Relationships and friendships both rely on two people coming together for a lasting bond. Here is the best match for each Myers-Briggs personality type. ... Their sister type the ESTP is a well-enjoyed partner that maintains a high energy, low maintenance outlook on life. While both ... The ISFJ doesn’t just want a partner in love—they want a partner in life. ENTP: A dynamic, ever-evolving relationship. The mind of the ENTP never sits still for long—and as a result, neither ... If that sounds like your ideal partner, then dating one of the most comforting Myers-Briggs personality types is likely the right fit for you. Myers-Briggs® and Marriage – How Your Personality Type Makes a Difference ... The feeling partner will value a people-oriented approach; considering personal implications, ethics, and values. Thinking partners can find feeling types overly-sensitive or illogical, whereas feeling types can view thinking types as uncaring, callous, or hyper ... They are their partner's safe place, and they wouldn't have it any other way. If that's what you're looking for, add these reliable Myers-Briggs personality types to the top of your must-date list ... Myers Briggs Relationship Compatibility There may be no such thing as the perfect couple, but there are definitely the odd couple and the ideal one. While everyone wants perfection, the best that anyone can hope for is close to perfection, and this is something you can achieve using Myers-Briggs relationship compatibility profile.

My (30f) and my bf (32m) give each other anxiety living together

2020.09.17 18:57 AdmirableElderberry9 My (30f) and my bf (32m) give each other anxiety living together

I moved in to my bfs house when corona first started because it would be safer for me, it’s been almost 6 months and we still give each other anxiety. He is afraid I’ll burn the house down, give us all corona, not do things properly, etc. he doesn’t like leaving me at home while he’s at work and Doesn’t want me using the stove. I understand his concerns because I’ve forgotten to turn a burner off before, don’t understand his extreme corona precautions and sometimes don’t do them,and have never lived alone before so I always rely on my mom for everything . I feel anxious when he is around And I’m doing something that involves cooking (doing things in order because of corona, like he thinks everything in the fridge could have it since it can live in the fridge for a long time and could come in on groceries) or even little things like cleaning the toilet because I’m afraid he’ll think I’m doing it wrong and correct me. He watches me sometimes to make sure I’m not doing anything dangerous and it’s super annoying. We don’t have trust in each other in this regard and it makes him unaffectionate since he doesn’t feel close to me which I hate because I need affection. Does anyone have any suggestions to help this situation? For those interested in Meyers-Briggs, I am INFP and he’s INTJ.
TLDR; living with my partner makes both of us anxious and not able to trust each other, affecting intimacy
submitted by AdmirableElderberry9 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.15 07:52 maybematdamon 33[M4F] I'll probably get lost in M4F Hell, but my birthday is soon, so I have to try

Hello lovely lady redditors! I'm Zack, a 33 year old studio art major at Western Carolina University, in the mountains of North Carolina. My birthday is about a month away, and I'm looking for a lady who can help make my 34th birthday special. I'd prefer someone in the Asheville/Sylva/Cullowhee area, but I am really not opposed to long distance.
So a little about me: I'm an atheist, and hold no superstitious beliefs of any kind. I'm a hedonist, meaning I believe life should be in pursuit of pleasurable experiences. I'm a humanist, meaning I believe in helping people (and myself) reach their potential and be as happy as possible. I'm also an existential nihilist, which is to say that I believe there is no meaning to the universe and our existence, that existence and the universe are absolutely absurd, and we must find our own meaning to have any sense of fulfillment. I'm an ANTP on the Meyer's Briggs; Ambiverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiving. I have Bipolar I and ADHD, so my energy levels fluctuate, I'm hypersensitive and I'm a hypersexual.
My free time is spent occasionally playing video games in a social setting. I don't really game on my own anymore. I prefer to use video games, board games, and Dungeons and Dragons as a social lubricant. I re-read A Song of Ice and Fire (the Game of Thrones books) over and over because it's the best literature I've ever encountered. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the Matrix Trilogy, and Lost in Translation are my five favorite films. I prefer to listen to post-rock, jazz, neo-classical, and lofi music, so I don't really listen to music with lyrics much. My outdoor activities include basketball and disc golf.
I practice ethical non-monogamy. I am involved with a few women currently, but they aren't local, and they aren't able to meet all my social needs, because life happens. I'm currently single despite my non-platonic relationships, and am looking for a more involved, committed relationship, like a primary.
I'm a very giving and caring partner. My love languages are touch and quality time. I have a preference for younger women, between five to ten years younger than me, but I'm not opposed to dating anyone around my age. I'm intelligent, well read, very educated, affectionate, sarcastic, witty, and funny, or so I've been told.
I'm 5'9", 160 pounds, covered in freckles, and I have brown hair and hazel eyes. Here is a picture of me: https://i.ibb.co/f9JXS6n/hat.jpg
Perks of dating me: I'll greet you in the morning and wish you sweet dreams at night. I'll give you some of my art so you have original work to hang in your home. If we spend time together physically, you can expect lots of affection and care. I'll help you reach your goals, expose you to thoughts and experiences that will help you grow as a person, and challenge you to do your best. I'll be your shoulder to cry on, and I'll be there to celebrate your victories.
Reach out to me via chat or DM, I don't care which way you choose to introduce yourself. I'd love to meet you. I have discord and if we are compatible, we can exchange handles and voice chat!
submitted by maybematdamon to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.09.15 07:49 maybematdamon 33[M4F] I'll probably get lost in M4F Hell, but my birthday is soon, so I have to try

Hello lovely lady redditors! I'm Zack, a 33 year old studio art major at Western Carolina University, in the mountains of North Carolina. My birthday is about a month away, and I'm looking for a lady who can help make my 34th birthday special. I'd prefer someone in the Asheville/Sylva/Cullowhee area, but I am really not opposed to long distance.
So a little about me: I'm an atheist, and hold no superstitious beliefs of any kind. I'm a hedonist, meaning I believe life should be in pursuit of pleasurable experiences. I'm a humanist, meaning I believe in helping people (and myself) reach their potential and be as happy as possible. I'm also an existential nihilist, which is to say that I believe there is no meaning to the universe and our existence, that existence and the universe are absolutely absurd, and we must find our own meaning to have any sense of fulfillment. I'm an ANTP on the Meyer's Briggs; Ambiverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiving. I have Bipolar I and ADHD, so my energy levels fluctuate, I'm hypersensitive and I'm a hypersexual.
My free time is spent occasionally playing video games in a social setting. I don't really game on my own anymore. I prefer to use video games, board games, and Dungeons and Dragons as a social lubricant. I re-read A Song of Ice and Fire (the Game of Thrones books) over and over because it's the best literature I've ever encountered. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the Matrix Trilogy, and Lost in Translation are my five favorite films. I prefer to listen to post-rock, jazz, neo-classical, and lofi music, so I don't really listen to music with lyrics much. My outdoor activities include basketball and disc golf.
I practice ethical non-monogamy. I am involved with a few women currently, but they aren't local, and they aren't able to meet all my social needs, because life happens. I'm currently single despite my non-platonic relationships, and am looking for a more involved, committed relationship, like a primary.
I'm a very giving and caring partner. My love languages are touch and quality time. I have a preference for younger women, between five to ten years younger than me, but I'm not opposed to dating anyone around my age. I'm intelligent, well read, very educated, affectionate, sarcastic, witty, and funny, or so I've been told.
I'm 5'9", 160 pounds, covered in freckles, and I have brown hair and hazel eyes. Here is a picture of me: https://i.ibb.co/f9JXS6n/hat.jpg
Perks of dating me: I'll greet you in the morning and wish you sweet dreams at night. I'll give you some of my art so you have original work to hang in your home. If we spend time together physically, you can expect lots of affection and care. I'll help you reach your goals, expose you to thoughts and experiences that will help you grow as a person, and challenge you to do your best. I'll be your shoulder to cry on, and I'll be there to celebrate your victories.
Reach out to me via chat or DM, I don't care which way you choose to introduce yourself. I'd love to meet you. I have ways to voice chat and if we are compatible, we can do that. Have a nice day.
submitted by maybematdamon to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.09.15 07:41 maybematdamon 33 [M4F] Western NC - I'll probably get lost in M4F Hell, but my birthday is soon and I have to try

Hello lovely lady redditors! I'm Zack, a 33 year old studio art major at Western Carolina University, in the mountains of North Carolina. My birthday is about a month away, and I'm looking for a lady who can help make my 34th birthday special. I'd prefer someone in the Asheville/Sylva/Cullowhee area, but I am really not opposed to long distance.
So a little about me: I'm an atheist, and hold no superstitious beliefs of any kind. I'm a hedonist, meaning I believe life should be in pursuit of pleasurable experiences. I'm a humanist, meaning I believe in helping people (and myself) reach their potential and be as happy as possible. I'm also an existential nihilist, which is to say that I believe there is no meaning to the universe and our existence, that existence and the universe are absolutely absurd, and we must find our own meaning to have any sense of fulfillment. I'm an ANTP on the Meyer's Briggs; Ambiverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiving. I have Bipolar I and ADHD, so my energy levels fluctuate, I'm hypersensitive and I'm a hypersexual.
My free time is spent occasionally playing video games in a social setting. I don't really game on my own anymore. I prefer to use video games, board games, and Dungeons and Dragons as a social lubricant. I re-read A Song of Ice and Fire (the Game of Thrones books) over and over because it's the best literature I've ever encountered. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the Matrix Trilogy, and Lost in Translation are my five favorite films. I prefer to listen to post-rock, jazz, neo-classical, and lofi music, so I don't really listen to music with lyrics much. My outdoor activities include basketball and disc golf.
I practice ethical non-monogamy. I am involved with a few women currently, but they aren't local, and they aren't able to meet all my social needs, because life happens. I'm currently single despite my non-platonic relationships, and am looking for a more involved, committed relationship, like a primary.
I'm a very giving and caring partner. My love languages are touch and quality time. I have a preference for younger women, between five to ten years younger than me, but I'm not opposed to dating anyone around my age. I'm intelligent, well read, very educated, affectionate, sarcastic, witty, and funny, or so I've been told.
I'm 5'9", 160 pounds, covered in freckles, and I have brown hair and hazel eyes. Here is a picture of me: https://i.ibb.co/f9JXS6n/hat.jpg
Perks of dating me: I'll greet you in the morning and wish you sweet dreams at night. I'll give you some of my art so you have original work to hang in your home. If we spend time together physically, you can expect lots of affection and care. I'll help you reach your goals, expose you to thoughts and experiences that will help you grow as a person, and challenge you to do your best. I'll be your shoulder to cry on, and I'll be there to celebrate your victories.
Reach out to me via chat or DM, I don't care which way you choose to introduce yourself. I'd love to meet you. I have discord and if we are compatible, we can exchange handles and voice chat!
submitted by maybematdamon to polyamoryR4R [link] [comments]


2020.09.14 03:59 signupredir 20 [M4M] Nevada/USA - looking to fall in love :)

so, i want to make this as short as possible. i’m a quite fluffy trans guy (ftm, not mtf) that prefers older men; based in Las Vegas. all i ask from you is that you’re not a creep, a decent person, and that you’re older than me. oh— i’m also monogamous. and expect the same from potential partners so yeah :) would love a guy with the same wants
some of my interests include rhythm games, music, art, and anime, but i’m also willing to listen to you sperg about anything. my meyers briggs is ISTP if anyone cares about that stuff anymore :P
i’m happy to exchange selfies in private, just not into putting my face out for everyone to see.
if you wanna talk and see where things go, send me a message with some details about yourself, and we can exchange contact infos. i Hate reddit’s PM and chat systems because i don’t always get notified.
submitted by signupredir to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.09.14 03:59 signupredir 20 [M4M] Nevada/USA - looking to fall in love :)

so, i want to make this as short as possible. i’m a quite fluffy trans guy (ftm, not mtf) that prefers older men; based in Las Vegas. all i ask from you is that you’re not a creep, a decent person, and that you’re older than me. oh— i’m also monogamous. and expect the same from potential partners so yeah :) would love a guy with the same wants
some of my interests include rhythm games, music, art, and anime, but i’m also willing to listen to you sperg about anything. my meyers briggs is ISTP if anyone cares about that stuff anymore :P
i’m happy to exchange selfies in private, just not into putting my face out for everyone to see.
if you wanna talk and see where things go, send me a message with some details about yourself, and we can exchange contact infos. i Hate reddit’s PM and chat systems because i don’t always get notified.
submitted by signupredir to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.09.03 00:55 oZ4XwM9l2foG6aS1 47[M4f] PacNW/Anywhere - looking for friendship, possible courtship, finding "The One"

I want to find someone to be a friend, that I can message, send texts, have conversations with, and maybe turn that into a courtship (yes I know, terribly old fashioned), and then a true partnership. Romance, passion to drive each other, and companionship for the long term.
I want the relationship first, I *do not* want sex unless it means something.I want, no I need, "Forever" to mean *Forever* if we get that far (more detail below).
Physical Description:
Background:
My ideal?
OK, so my sordid past...
I dated a little in high-school, had three girlfriends and ultimately married one of them when we were 18.
At 19 we had a kid.
We were married for 17 years, she had an affair that lasted over a year, told me, we tried to work things out (for a year), and then she decided she was done and wanted to divorce.
We divorced, I still loved her but was pissed at her.
About 5 years later she committed suicide and I had/have extremely mixed unresolved feelings. Still angry, but also sad. Still in love with who she was, but that is gone.
I've dated twice since then, neither had that spark.
I've also not had many partners (as in 4).
So if you have made it this far and are still interested, I would love to hear from you.
--- **TL;DR;** : Looking for a friend that could be more. I want to feel "in love" again. 
submitted by oZ4XwM9l2foG6aS1 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.09.03 00:53 oZ4XwM9l2foG6aS1 47[M4f] PacNW/Anywhere - looking for friendship, possible courtship, finding "The One"

I want to find someone to be a friend, that I can message, send texts, have conversations with, and maybe turn that into a courtship (yes I know, terribly old fashioned), and then a true partnership. Romance, passion to drive each other, and companionship for the long term.
I want the relationship first, I *do not* want sex unless it means something.I want, no I need, "Forever" to mean *Forever* if we get that far (more detail below).
Physical Description:
Background:
My ideal?
OK, so my sordid past...
I dated a little in high-school, had three girlfriends and ultimately married one of them when we were 18.
At 19 we had a kid.
We were married for 17 years, she had an affair that lasted over a year, told me, we tried to work things out (for a year), and then she decided she was done and wanted to divorce.
We divorced, I still loved her but was pissed at her.
About 5 years later she committed suicide and I had/have extremely mixed unresolved feelings. Still angry, but also sad. Still in love with who she was, but that is gone.
I've dated twice since then, neither had that spark.
I've also not had many partners (as in 4).
So if you have made it this far and are still interested, I would love to hear from you.
--- **TL;DR;** : Looking for a friend that could be more. I want to feel "in love" again. 
submitted by oZ4XwM9l2foG6aS1 to AgeGapPersonals [link] [comments]


2020.08.31 23:21 oZ4XwM9l2foG6aS1 47[M4f] PacNW/Anywhere - looking for friendship, possible courtship, finding "The One"

I want to find someone to be a friend, that I can message, send texts, have conversations with, and maybe turn that into a courtship (yes I know, terribly old fashioned), and then a true partnership. Romance, passion to drive each other, and companionship for the long term.
I want the relationship first, I *do not* want sex unless it means something. I want, no I need, "Forever" to mean *Forever* if we get that far (more detail below).
Physical Description:
Background:
My ideal?
OK, so my sordid past...
I dated a little in high-school, had three girlfriends and ultimately married one of them when we were 18.
At 19 we had a kid.
We were married for 17 years, she had an affair that lasted over a year, told me, we tried to work things out (for a year), and then she decided she was done and wanted to divorce.
We divorced, I still loved her but was pissed at her.
About 5 years later she committed suicide and I had/have extremely mixed unresolved feelings. Still angry, but also sad. Still in love with who she was, but that is gone.
I've dated twice since then, neither had that spark.
I've also not had many partners (as in 4).
So if you have made it this far and are still interested, I would love to hear from you.
--- **TL;DR;** : Looking for a friend that could be more. I want to feel "in love" again. 
submitted by oZ4XwM9l2foG6aS1 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.08.26 19:17 chicktweettweet My sister is gone, please read her story (TW)

My younger sister, let's call her Kailee, passed away on the 23rd. She took her life on the 17th, though she was in the ICU. It was just such a turbulent time. Our family has been posting and saying positive things about her so I feel like I can't talk about how disturbing her taking her life feels to me. It's disrupting my sleep and just feels....feels like the worst events that could happen. I want to write happy things about her too, but I thought this group might be good to get some of my guilt out. This will be a long post, but if you have the time please read and keep her in your thoughts.
Kailee was truly the SWEETEST girl, youngest of 3. I'm 2.5 years older and the oldest is 7 years older. As a baby, she would cry all the time and clearly did not feel comfortable around anyone but my mom and me. We played together all the time - actually, I would boss her around because my older sister bossed me around. But we really had tender childhood memories, we loved each other very much and had so much fun playing together.
In Junior High/early HS, Kailee was FULL of life. Like had a group of friends, was so bubbly and weird and hilarious - her old friend send me a treasure trove of inside jokes and notes she kept from her friendship. But early high school, she started feeling alone and left out. She thought the group was pushing her out. I know she felt other-ed being a POC (all of us did) growing up in a mostly white area. She also felt pressure from my parents who were the type to get really mad if you didn't get straight A's and constantly compared us to other kids who were much "smarter". But Kailee was creative - she wrote a lot, had a crazy imagination, even was good at art. Even more so, she was an AVID reader. Her goodreads shows she read like over 100 books. I think that paired with how close I was to my older sister made her feel left out and hurt. I LOVED her. I never thought of her as less or less close, I thought we had a different friendship. We were more quiet together, watched a ton of movies, did silly things and also bonded over anime and video games, but my older sister, when she would come around she was much more outgoing and I paid more attention to her. I regret it so much. It was never intentional on either of our ends, but now I can see how fucking hurtful that feels. My parents didn't understand her depression and thought she was being lazy and weren't supportive of her. I can't imagine how alone she felt. One of her friends just now told me she used to self harm in HS, which I had 0 idea.
About 6 years ago, my mom got really sick and suffered greatly from depression herself and started to understand it. This was huge. She and Kailee got SOOOOOOOOO close, she visited her in college every weekend even though it was like 2 hours away and Kailee started to confide to my mom about everything. She still told me stuff, but it was like a lite version, but we were still close. While she was in college, I moved away to LA and so did my older sister. I went home frequently - tried to go about 3 times a year for a total of 1.5 months - but of course I couldn't be quite as close. She suffered from great depression that I didn't understand. We found writings after she passed about how lonely she felt but how she knew she would self sabatoge by not responding to friends texts, how if she was angry at a friend she would be passive aggressive rather than talk it out, how she knew she had this illness. She was so so so lonely but too afraid to reach out to others for the fear of rejection. She opened up to us sisters about it a little too (we also suffer from mental illness), but it was the lite version and she would always be like "Ok thank you that helped!"
We actually pulled her out of college for a semester like 1.5 years ago because she was telling my mom about how she had suicidal thoughts. Damn it, that was a fucking clear sign that I am so so so angry at our whole family for not taking more care. She went to a therapist spottily and didn't take her medication on time or even at all and no one checked to make sure she was ok - I've suffered very similar feelings as her but have always found a way to cope - so I thought she would be ok or it wasn't as bad as it was. I'm mad at myself but I know it's not my fault but it doesn't alleviate the feeling of guilt.
I think she had this deep feeling of loneliness and inability to connect for a long time. She had a few friends she was fairly close to, but my mom said she felt left out or would get angry if they had other friends or wouldn't respond right away - but the thing was she also depressed and took a long time to respond to texts. We all loved her so much and I truly believe no one was trying to be mean to her or leave her out, we should have been more mindful but I'm sure he depression warped it. She was also diagnosed with OCD, she had a lot of intrusive thoughts and a hard time writing or even talking because of a certain way she needed the syllables to be. It was hard for her to communicate and bond but she wanted it so badly.
Fast forward to covid times. We texted long stuff a few times a week, but it was usually about movies we wanted to watch together and random things. We facetimed privately a few times times, played games together, had the 3 of us sisters call, and some family calls. Each time she seemed ok.
She was dating someone at the time - HUGE STEP - she had a few other fuck boi relationships where they were using her and also added to her sense of abandonment - but she felt he didn't love her enough. I called her and talked about how everyone shows love differently and you can't control how someone acts and that if she felt frustrated, talking to him would be the best step rather than what she was doing - getting angry without saying anything and leaving and then pretending everything was fine. She said it was helpful and she would try, but I don't know if her depression let her. Eventually she broke up with him twice and he didn't want to get back together. I encouraged her to do online dating - but she said she tried OKcupid and didn't form anything meaningful and would try Tinder when she moved to another city because of her job. Oh yeah, she scored a job right out of college that had a 2 year contract to place you at a company somewhere in the US. She didn't really want the job bc it wasn't her major but she said "Well nothing better to do" even tho it was RIGHT out of college - I was like please wait bc I knew she would be lonely if she moved to another city and was worried about her mental health. But I should have been supportive. I was really negative and said it sounded like a scam (it's not, they actually really loved and cared about her) and I guess her other friends said similar things.
She told me a few things. She told me she hated seeing her face on zoom and she was ugly. She told me she hated the space from her upper lip to her nose - which it a normal length - and that she missed her ex. That she cried when her roommates cat got moved out of their apartment. That she started drinking to feel entertained and "Isn't that sad?" and that she drank 9 beers and puked all over my childhood room.
I didn't realize these were small cries for help. She presented everything as a semi-normal reaction to events...everyone is sad about exes and feels self conscious! I've been high the entire quarantine and used to throw up form drinking all the time! But I didn't know the things she was telling my mom, which I only found out after she passed. She said Kailee cried all the time about her ex and would constantly say she was boring, she was nothing, no one liked her, that her sisters loved her but thought of her as "extra" and as a baby. She loved that cat, but even felt like that cat betrayed her when it would go to her roommate and only to her when she was home alone. She mentioned to her psych she had hit the cat and felt like they were judging her and asked my mom to help her find another psych, which never happened. But she was so gentle and showered that cat with love after. That she was a pig that could only eat (she gained maybe 10 pounds at home, but literally was probably 130 max). That she felt so lonely and just wanted a boyfriend SO bad but didn't know how to connect. I don't think her depression let her understand that making connections is hard and takes years of work. It just feels extra fucked up because everything she felt, I truly have felt, but had ways to cope and at least a little self-confidence. I wish have told her about it and wish I could have helped more, because life gets BETTER.
I was suppose to come home on the 21st anyways for my birthday, which is on the 13th. She texted me how excited she was, she had written out a list of movies for us to watch (because we always spent so much time looking), wanted to learn how to play Hearthstone better (a game I was obsessed with), and picked out the weed she wanted me to bring her from LA. That was our last texts. She told me what weed she wanted. And I said ok! Have you seen season 5 of Steven Universe - a show we LOVED - side note but she also always loved the happiest, sweet characters in shows. Her lock screen on her phone is currently Aang. I was so excited because covid hasn't been easy on me either along with the state of the country, my partner got diagnosed with MS and has also been taking about death, and our cat got really sick. I am on medication and no longer depressed but truly am a high function very anxious person. I was excited because going home meant I was safe and got to see one of my BEST FRIENDS, my younger sister who I don't have to be fake around, I can tell her everything I truly feel and can lounge around and have such a fun chill time with. Hadn't seen her since NYE, where we went to a party together. I was so proud of her, and he resolution was to be more social.
I woke up on the 18th from a hysterical cry from my older sister. Kailee had tried to commit suicide via hanging herself. The image disturbs me SO much, like was her tongue sticking out, was she blue, were her eyes open, did she pee herself? It makes me want to vomit, especially since we watched SO SO SO many horrors together (our fav genre!). I don't think I like horror anymore. I can't think of Haunting of Hill House, Hereditary, of especially Midsommner (all of which we watched together) the same. I feel triggered when people even say "Let's hang out!" or see rope or a belt. I didn't even see it obviously. But the imagination makes it worse, I didn't know any details at first and I thought maybe it was the ceiling fan? It wasn't, but my imagination was and is still running rampant. It didn't feel real. It doesn't feel real at all. I was still in LA at the time, with my flight booked home on Friday. It made me feel like she didn't care and couldn't wait for me. Or she didn't trust me enough to tell me what she was going through. I feel like I have failed. I was hysterical the first few days before I could get home. I was in denial, they were able to start her heart and body up again maybe they got there in time? She's young, only 23! Her body was getting a little better the second day in the hospital and I was so full of hope. They didn't think she would last the night.
After snooping thru her phone (SORRY KAILEE FORGIVE ME) when I got home, I noticed she was talking to someone she met off OKcupid. He also seemed a bit mentally ill and they really comforted each other. she never mentioned him to me, except that she "had a friend that played Final Fantasy 14", which we were playing together. He constantly apologized for ghosting her, which IMO he didn't? Everyone needs time to respond to texts. He would say that if he didn't respond for like 3 days. But even when she didn't respond, he would follow up with her. But there was a period of 10 days where he didn't text her. I don't blame him, life is hard. But on the 13th, my birthday, he greatly apologized for being MIA and that he really cared about her. She didn't ever respond. He texted her Tuesday, the day after she left, that he was so sorry and that he hoped she was taking care of herself. Then texted her wed with a heart. I just wish he could have texted her earlier, tho I place no blame on this person.
I noticed on her google searches that day, she googled "How do I respond to someone who ghosted me?". Her search history became more and more disturbing, other methods of suicide, Sylvia Path and others who killed themselves (according to her goodreads, she just finished The Bell Jar), why are humans so evil, why am I ugly, horrible true crime etc etc. Before that, it seemed as if she was obsessed with her Meyers-Briggs and asked so many questions on reddit about it and had hundreds of searches about it. It was deeply disturbing to see it but I needed to know. I feel guilty this started my birthday. I should have called her. I cancelled a family call the day before she took her life as well because I was socially burnt out. I would do anything to have seen her face one more time.
The day she did it, my dad said she was pacing around and looking for my mom, her rock. My mom was her best fucking friend and they had SO many hilarious inside jokes. She was her ride or die, but because my mom came from another country, she didn't FULLY understand Kailee and obviously wasn't her age. I don't blame my mom but I understand why she feels so much guilt. She had told my mom she was researching about suicide and knew the most efficient way, even weeks ago. That she couldn't stop thinking of a boy our family knew who also ended his life. That she hated her physical body and asked if she would have a spiritual body, as my mother is Christian. She started to learn more about God literally right before she did this. Maybe it gave her the push of oh, there is another side.
But my mom came in at night after mowing the lawn and was a little short to Kailee, telling her not to hug her because she was sweaty. Kailee was upset and told my mom she broke her heart and went upstairs. My mom went by later to her room and asked if she wanted watermelon and tried to open the door. She SHOVED the door shut and didn't say a word. Sometimes we are all bratty, she didn't think much of it. She went by after like 15 min and noticed the door was locked and she didn't answer. She waited a little longer and unlocked the door and found her. She got my dad and they placed her down and started CPR as my dad called the ambulance. They brought her body back but it was too late. I truly believe her body lasted on long enough for my and my older sister to get back home. We got to spend 3 days with her before she was declared brain dead. Her physical body was still there. Because she was so giving in life, we knew she would want to be an organ donor and save other's lives. We got to see her body for one more day and cry and pray and say goodbye and recount all of our beautiful memories. Seeing her being pushed into the surgery room to remove her organs was one of the worst things.
Now we are rushing around trying to get the funeral set up. I ordered her clothing based off some stuff she screenshot on her phone. She never dressed up and said she never cared about her looks but I think she was hiding her insecurities. I wish she knew how truly absolutely beautiful she was. She was always SO SO SO nice to me, she always let me have the bigger slice or wanted to pay for me when I was home. She was so fucking funny and always called me a "CHICK TWEET TWEET" because I had blonde hair for so long. She always send me chick memes, even on my most recent birthday and bought me chick related items. She bought my parents so much food all the time and worked a part time job to try to pay for rent. She was quiet and even thru her depression, got a comp sci major and was ALWAYS studying and trying. My parents weren't even as hard on her as they were in HS. They really loved her, as me and my sister did, even if my dad and older sister were a bit more distant. My older sister loved Kailee SO much, the age difference made it hard to talk but they were starting to really connect.
She screenshot this song a few hours before she took her life. Im praying and hoping it was some sort of message to us, for us to seek comfort. It could mean nothing. But that and Millennial Actress mean a lot to me and are symbolic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pllRW9wETzw
It hurts so much. We know it wasn't our faults. But we all hurt and feel like we should have done more. Could we have saved her? Maybe. Maybe we would at least get more time with her. I hate it. I hate that I have to write a eulogy for her and fucking bury her. I can't imagine what she was thinking before she left. I hate it. I hate she felt so lonely and sad and couldn't express it. I wish she could have waited for me to get home, just a few days later. We were suppose to grow old together and she promised my mom she would take care of her. I'm so so sad. I miss you so much. I know she is with me and I find comfort that so many people now are RALLYING for her and have donated so much to her funeral fund. People liked her. Depression warped her views and self esteem. not fair I love her forever. Sorry, know this is extremely long. Just want to get everything out while it's fresh so I never forget, even the painful parts. Bless you if you read all of this and keep my dear younger sister in your heart. She was and is amazing. Gentle. Beautiful. Hilarious. Love you forever tweet tweet.
submitted by chicktweettweet to SuicideBereavement [link] [comments]


2020.08.25 23:02 oZ4XwM9l2foG6aS1 47[M4f] PacNW/Anywhere - looking for friendship, possible courtship, finding "The One"

I want to find someone to be a friend, that I can message, send texts, have conversations with, and maybe turn that into a courtship (yes I know, terribly old fashioned), and then a true partnership. Romance, passion to drive each other, and companionship for the long term.
I want the relationship first, I don't want sex unless it means something.
I want, no I need, "Forever" to mean *Forever* if we get that far (more detail below).
Physical Description:
Background:
My ideal?
OK, so my sordid past...
I dated a little in high-school, had three girlfriends and ultimately married one of them when we were 18.
At 19 we had a kid.
We were married for 17 years, she had an affair that lasted over a year, told me, we tried to work things out (for a year), and then she decided she was done and wanted to divorce.
We divorced, I still loved her but was pissed at her.
About 5 years later she committed suicide and I had/have extremely mixed unresolved feelings. Still angry, but also sad. Still in love with who she was, but that is gone.
I've dated twice since then, neither had that spark.
I've also not had many partners (as in 4).
So if you have made it this far and are still interested, I would love to hear from you.
--- **TL;DR;** : Looking for a friend that could be more. I want to feel "in love" again.
submitted by oZ4XwM9l2foG6aS1 to AgeGapPersonals [link] [comments]


2020.08.09 13:16 CtrlAltw0rm 33 [M4F] Canada/Online, I just want to find you, you know?

      Hey there, my name is Jordan, 33/M/Alberta Canada, looking for a lovely lady (CIS / MtF: ✔️). I am writing this again, and rewriting this, and will continue to evolve this post as I continue in search for you. Please be patient with me, I hope you enjoy reading, because it will be a novel by the time I am finished.
      Not sure what the best way is to write this out, so, I'll just do what I can. Laying in bed restless when I try to sleep, I feel that I always know what I want to write out, but when I sit at the desk I go blank.
      I...don't know it's better to tell you what I'm looking for, or if I try to provide you with what you may be finding here. I will tell you some more about me. You know my name, my age, and my general location but there is so much more. I suppose some type of indication is that I have been classified as an INTJ from the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator testing. That information may be helpful in the coming post if you decide to continue reading.
       I believe strongly that people are so much more complex emotionally and socially than we really take at surface level. So much communication is given without words; the way we look at each other, the way I can hear you smile in your laughter or your words, or the way I can be told a story by looking in your eyes. I can feel your excitement when I see you can't get enough, and I really feed off your anticipation when I know you are wondering about me. You know, I do those things about you, too. It is important, I think, to be able to communicate effectively with the right person, and I always do my best to communicate. In this respect, I actually really value good communication, good conversations, or just good time spent together. Hours on the phone (Discord?) at night in video calls talking about our pasts, our futures, our wants, each other, talking about whatever, and sometimes not even talking at all, just...being together. These are values of mine, and they are incredibly huge. This sort of thought process follows me through a lot of aspects of my life in the way I feel about things. Very few things in my life feel important to me, but the few things that do are so gravitational that they matter so much more -- enough to compensate for all the things that don't matter at all.
      It's so cliche to tell people that "I like to laugh, I'm a fun guy! I just wanna have fun and take it easy." I think many of us are like that, and it's a bit redundant to tell. I think that as people we want to live our lives with enjoyment, not in misery.. Perhaps it is best, in the vein of Open Communication for me to talk to you about other parts of me that might be lesser known. I am..sad. Often. Not always. For an INTJ, I express a lot of emotional responses to irrational things and my soul is weighted with melancholy. I also feel it is a bit cliche to talk about depression: it's 2020 and we're all depressed and dealing with our own situations and we all deal with our problems individually -- nobody deals with the same situation exactly the same way. I just don't want it to be a secret. If you decide to talk with me, you'll notice that I like to make jokes a lot, and I will do everything in my power to help you feel better about whatever situation, I work hard to maintain positivity, just, sometimes it's not easy. I am an overthinker, and I postulate on many stupid things that are self destructive and cause a lot of stress in my life. Often, I am extremely sure of things and I am confident with that, but when I am unsure of things or feel in danger, I am anxious and sometimes a mess. I have a lot to give to the right person, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I hope that is perfect for you. So, let this be possibly the most honest R4R post ever written, haha. For real, I just like to laugh, and I'm a fun guy. I just wanna have fun and take it easy!
      Speaking of sureness and confidence; I am a very confident person in my own rights. I know exactly who I am, I am self aware, and I know exactly what I want when I want it and I am not afraid to express it. I am strong willed, I am a leader, and I enjoy being in that position. Often, I think of myself like a Knight; I want to walk with you on your path and I will have my sword and shield ready to aid you in any battle you may come across. There have been a lot of situations that have crossed my path throughout the years, and I am strong and want to be your strength as well. Not that I want to do things for you, but I want to be there with you for those things, to help raise you up and bring you up, to lend you that strength -- in the times when I am weak and hurt, I will need your strength as well.
      I work a lot. On average, I work 10-12 hours a day, but I am fortunate enough to work from home. I create YouTube videos and live stream 5 nights a week, and in my off nights I work around 3-4 hours a day as well. I am not wildly successful or popular, you haven't heard of me, but because of my work I have a lot of available time as well to give to you. I want your time, I want to occupy you
      Physically, I am probably not the most flattering (No, it's not modesty, it's just reality.) I am stocky, and I am working hard to lose weight. Starting in December 2019 I started going to the gym regularly and regulating my diet and adjusting macros so that I could shed some weight and gain some muscle mass. Since December (302 lbs) I weigh in at 259 lbs and continuing to work hard towards that goal. Since the existing Corona Virus, I haven't been able to attend the gym, but I will be going back once the gyms open up -- I have found myself missing the routine and attraction to results and the health I've felt since attending the gym. Feels good to look much better. The other large note about my physical appearance is that I have a beard (It's not giant or anything, but it's a full beard) and I dye it routinely. I bleach and dye the beard myself. Feel free to ask me more about it, but it is another part of my identity that I enjoy as a freedom of expression, a form of creativity, and something that sets me as me. I am not much of the type of person to care what others think about me, so I'm fine with some of the strange looks in public. One of the responses to my previous R4R was "What is that beard I am looking at?!" Is okay, it's not for everyone to go out on a date or show off their boyfriend who has a purple, pink, blue, or firey red beard. I won't judge you for it. Oh, yeah... I'm 5'11". a TALL 5'11", don't get me twisted. I'm basically 6'0".........
      Speaking on Judgement. I am no judicator, and I won't judge you for your history, for your actions, for your decisions or who you are and what you enjoy or like. I mean, ironically I would jest to tease you, but in all seriousness I pride myself on being a safe space for all. There is a quote, I am paraphrasing, but it is something along the lines of, "I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for your right say it." Your religion, your gender, your identity, your sexual preference, your race, we are all human and we are all valid. We are all unique, but we are all equal.
      A relationship, in my opinion, is made up in a sum of lesser pieces to create the greater two parts and I feel it breaks down to: Emotional Connection (Personality compatibility, communication, romance) and Physical Connection. Obviously two people have to like each other to maintain a healthy relationship, but I also feel the need to express that a physical component is equally important in a relationship. I wouldn't say I'm a big kinkster, but I am definitely really open sexually to kinks and adventurous sex lives. In this respect, I am the top in qualifying relationships. Without being "Too Much Information", I have had a painfully vanilla and extremely boring sex life and I really don't want to go in to that a second time. Physical connection is important because when we talk about this sort of thing, or plan to experience this sort of thing, I want to be attracted to you and the situation equally, I would feel horrible if I woke up in the morning next to someone and thought, "I gotta wake up to this face for the next __ years..." I would expect nothing less out of my partner, as well. We have to mesh on every level.
      Also, on sex and attraction. Your face is the most beautiful think I will look at. Sexy photos and nudes are great and all, but if I don't see your face then... what? Honestly, a beautiful smile, eyes that tell that story, the way you do your hair and how you look. Those are things that I find incredibly sexy. Yes, I also think your body is sexy, haha, but, for real, I will fall for you for your face.
      I have a history just like everyone else does. I just want to be up front about it, and honest. I have only had 3.5 relationships in my life. The longest being a 10 year relationship with my ex wife, and the .5 being most recently where I connected with a woman where things got pretty serious for a bit but never established a relationship type of status/connection. I have two children who I see every weekend. I own a house and provide support to a family member in it, as well as co-own it with another family member. To be honest, I am pretty tied to this geographical location, so, just want that to be out there and open.
      I suppose if you've survived this wall of text, my mini novel, it's prudent to tell you what I'm looking for. Emotionally, I'm looking for someone who is similar to me, or at least someone who can take inspiration from me and the words I write, the ways I write them, and looking to have support. I feel that vulnerability is incredibly sexy and I am interested in your vulnerability; I am also interested in giving you mine. There is a special connection when trust is so established that care for one another is on that next level -- the words we exchange should be the ones we let affect us, not the words of a random who is out to cause anarchy. The woman I'm looking for us smart, a little shy, and probably so modest she'd never admit to just who amazing she really is. I will see it in you and I will definitely remind you of it. Physically, she is petite and fit, she has eyes that shine through the darkness and a smile that can lift the heaviest of spirits. Likely she is younger than me by a bit (-3 or more.) Part of my personality is to be a leader and I enjoy sharing experiences and providing that guiding light, and age may play a large part in that. She is equally adventurous in her sex life and willing to try new fun things together, or share existing fun interests with each other.
      In closing, I would like to say thank you for taking the time, if you read through all of this. You are really something else to survive this R4R post, and I'm glad you stuck it out. Hopefully something was interesting enough up there to keep your attention until the end. I have thought while re-writing this post if I should include a photo in the post or not, but I think I will include it above. If you are still reading; have a great day, I appreciate your time, you are incredible and valid, you are awesome and I hope to chat with you if you are that woman for me. I want to fall in love, and wherever you are, I've missed you for a very long time.
submitted by CtrlAltw0rm to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]


2020.08.09 13:15 CtrlAltw0rm 33 [M4F] Canada/Online, I just want to find you, you know?

      Hey there, my name is Jordan, 33/M/Alberta Canada, looking for a lovely lady (CIS / MtF: ✔️). I am writing this again, and rewriting this, and will continue to evolve this post as I continue in search for you. Please be patient with me, I hope you enjoy reading, because it will be a novel by the time I am finished.
      Not sure what the best way is to write this out, so, I'll just do what I can. Laying in bed restless when I try to sleep, I feel that I always know what I want to write out, but when I sit at the desk I go blank.
      I...don't know it's better to tell you what I'm looking for, or if I try to provide you with what you may be finding here. I will tell you some more about me. You know my name, my age, and my general location but there is so much more. I suppose some type of indication is that I have been classified as an INTJ from the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator testing. That information may be helpful in the coming post if you decide to continue reading.
       I believe strongly that people are so much more complex emotionally and socially than we really take at surface level. So much communication is given without words; the way we look at each other, the way I can hear you smile in your laughter or your words, or the way I can be told a story by looking in your eyes. I can feel your excitement when I see you can't get enough, and I really feed off your anticipation when I know you are wondering about me. You know, I do those things about you, too. It is important, I think, to be able to communicate effectively with the right person, and I always do my best to communicate. In this respect, I actually really value good communication, good conversations, or just good time spent together. Hours on the phone (Discord?) at night in video calls talking about our pasts, our futures, our wants, each other, talking about whatever, and sometimes not even talking at all, just...being together. These are values of mine, and they are incredibly huge. This sort of thought process follows me through a lot of aspects of my life in the way I feel about things. Very few things in my life feel important to me, but the few things that do are so gravitational that they matter so much more -- enough to compensate for all the things that don't matter at all.
      It's so cliche to tell people that "I like to laugh, I'm a fun guy! I just wanna have fun and take it easy." I think many of us are like that, and it's a bit redundant to tell. I think that as people we want to live our lives with enjoyment, not in misery.. Perhaps it is best, in the vein of Open Communication for me to talk to you about other parts of me that might be lesser known. I am..sad. Often. Not always. For an INTJ, I express a lot of emotional responses to irrational things and my soul is weighted with melancholy. I also feel it is a bit cliche to talk about depression: it's 2020 and we're all depressed and dealing with our own situations and we all deal with our problems individually -- nobody deals with the same situation exactly the same way. I just don't want it to be a secret. If you decide to talk with me, you'll notice that I like to make jokes a lot, and I will do everything in my power to help you feel better about whatever situation, I work hard to maintain positivity, just, sometimes it's not easy. I am an overthinker, and I postulate on many stupid things that are self destructive and cause a lot of stress in my life. Often, I am extremely sure of things and I am confident with that, but when I am unsure of things or feel in danger, I am anxious and sometimes a mess. I have a lot to give to the right person, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I hope that is perfect for you. So, let this be possibly the most honest R4R post ever written, haha. For real, I just like to laugh, and I'm a fun guy. I just wanna have fun and take it easy!
      Speaking of sureness and confidence; I am a very confident person in my own rights. I know exactly who I am, I am self aware, and I know exactly what I want when I want it and I am not afraid to express it. I am strong willed, I am a leader, and I enjoy being in that position. Often, I think of myself like a Knight; I want to walk with you on your path and I will have my sword and shield ready to aid you in any battle you may come across. There have been a lot of situations that have crossed my path throughout the years, and I am strong and want to be your strength as well. Not that I want to do things for you, but I want to be there with you for those things, to help raise you up and bring you up, to lend you that strength -- in the times when I am weak and hurt, I will need your strength as well.
      I work a lot. On average, I work 10-12 hours a day, but I am fortunate enough to work from home. I create YouTube videos and live stream 5 nights a week, and in my off nights I work around 3-4 hours a day as well. I am not wildly successful or popular, you haven't heard of me, but because of my work I have a lot of available time as well to give to you. I want your time, I want to occupy you
      Physically, I am probably not the most flattering (No, it's not modesty, it's just reality.) I am stocky, and I am working hard to lose weight. Starting in December 2019 I started going to the gym regularly and regulating my diet and adjusting macros so that I could shed some weight and gain some muscle mass. Since December (302 lbs) I weigh in at 259 lbs and continuing to work hard towards that goal. Since the existing Corona Virus, I haven't been able to attend the gym, but I will be going back once the gyms open up -- I have found myself missing the routine and attraction to results and the health I've felt since attending the gym. Feels good to look much better. The other large note about my physical appearance is that I have a beard (It's not giant or anything, but it's a full beard) and I dye it routinely. I bleach and dye the beard myself. Feel free to ask me more about it, but it is another part of my identity that I enjoy as a freedom of expression, a form of creativity, and something that sets me as me. I am not much of the type of person to care what others think about me, so I'm fine with some of the strange looks in public. One of the responses to my previous R4R was "What is that beard I am looking at?!" Is okay, it's not for everyone to go out on a date or show off their boyfriend who has a purple, pink, blue, or firey red beard. I won't judge you for it. Oh, yeah... I'm 5'11". a TALL 5'11", don't get me twisted. I'm basically 6'0".........
      Speaking on Judgement. I am no judicator, and I won't judge you for your history, for your actions, for your decisions or who you are and what you enjoy or like. I mean, ironically I would jest to tease you, but in all seriousness I pride myself on being a safe space for all. There is a quote, I am paraphrasing, but it is something along the lines of, "I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for your right say it." Your religion, your gender, your identity, your sexual preference, your race, we are all human and we are all valid. We are all unique, but we are all equal.
      A relationship, in my opinion, is made up in a sum of lesser pieces to create the greater two parts and I feel it breaks down to: Emotional Connection (Personality compatibility, communication, romance) and Physical Connection. Obviously two people have to like each other to maintain a healthy relationship, but I also feel the need to express that a physical component is equally important in a relationship. I wouldn't say I'm a big kinkster, but I am definitely really open sexually to kinks and adventurous sex lives. In this respect, I am the top in qualifying relationships. Without being "Too Much Information", I have had a painfully vanilla and extremely boring sex life and I really don't want to go in to that a second time. Physical connection is important because when we talk about this sort of thing, or plan to experience this sort of thing, I want to be attracted to you and the situation equally, I would feel horrible if I woke up in the morning next to someone and thought, "I gotta wake up to this face for the next __ years..." I would expect nothing less out of my partner, as well. We have to mesh on every level.
      Also, on sex and attraction. Your face is the most beautiful think I will look at. Sexy photos and nudes are great and all, but if I don't see your face then... what? Honestly, a beautiful smile, eyes that tell that story, the way you do your hair and how you look. Those are things that I find incredibly sexy. Yes, I also think your body is sexy, haha, but, for real, I will fall for you for your face.
      I have a history just like everyone else does. I just want to be up front about it, and honest. I have only had 3.5 relationships in my life. The longest being a 10 year relationship with my ex wife, and the .5 being most recently where I connected with a woman where things got pretty serious for a bit but never established a relationship type of status/connection. I have two children who I see every weekend. I own a house and provide support to a family member in it, as well as co-own it with another family member. To be honest, I am pretty tied to this geographical location, so, just want that to be out there and open.
      I suppose if you've survived this wall of text, my mini novel, it's prudent to tell you what I'm looking for. Emotionally, I'm looking for someone who is similar to me, or at least someone who can take inspiration from me and the words I write, the ways I write them, and looking to have support. I feel that vulnerability is incredibly sexy and I am interested in your vulnerability; I am also interested in giving you mine. There is a special connection when trust is so established that care for one another is on that next level -- the words we exchange should be the ones we let affect us, not the words of a random who is out to cause anarchy. The woman I'm looking for us smart, a little shy, and probably so modest she'd never admit to just who amazing she really is. I will see it in you and I will definitely remind you of it. Physically, she is petite and fit, she has eyes that shine through the darkness and a smile that can lift the heaviest of spirits. Likely she is younger than me by a bit (-3 or more.) Part of my personality is to be a leader and I enjoy sharing experiences and providing that guiding light, and age may play a large part in that. She is equally adventurous in her sex life and willing to try new fun things together, or share existing fun interests with each other.
      In closing, I would like to say thank you for taking the time, if you read through all of this. You are really something else to survive this R4R post, and I'm glad you stuck it out. Hopefully something was interesting enough up there to keep your attention until the end. I have thought while re-writing this post if I should include a photo in the post or not, but I think I will include it above. If you are still reading; have a great day, I appreciate your time, you are incredible and valid, you are awesome and I hope to chat with you if you are that woman for me. I want to fall in love, and wherever you are, I've missed you for a very long time.
submitted by CtrlAltw0rm to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.08.09 13:13 CtrlAltw0rm 33 [M4F] Canada/Online, I just want to find you, you know?

      Hey there, my name is Jordan, 33/M/Alberta Canada, looking for a lovely lady (CIS / MtF: ✔️). I am writing this again, and rewriting this, and will continue to evolve this post as I continue in search for you. Please be patient with me, I hope you enjoy reading, because it will be a novel by the time I am finished.
      Not sure what the best way is to write this out, so, I'll just do what I can. Laying in bed restless when I try to sleep, I feel that I always know what I want to write out, but when I sit at the desk I go blank.
      I...don't know it's better to tell you what I'm looking for, or if I try to provide you with what you may be finding here. I will tell you some more about me. You know my name, my age, and my general location but there is so much more. I suppose some type of indication is that I have been classified as an INTJ from the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator testing. That information may be helpful in the coming post if you decide to continue reading.
       I believe strongly that people are so much more complex emotionally and socially than we really take at surface level. So much communication is given without words; the way we look at each other, the way I can hear you smile in your laughter or your words, or the way I can be told a story by looking in your eyes. I can feel your excitement when I see you can't get enough, and I really feed off your anticipation when I know you are wondering about me. You know, I do those things about you, too. It is important, I think, to be able to communicate effectively with the right person, and I always do my best to communicate. In this respect, I actually really value good communication, good conversations, or just good time spent together. Hours on the phone (Discord?) at night in video calls talking about our pasts, our futures, our wants, each other, talking about whatever, and sometimes not even talking at all, just...being together. These are values of mine, and they are incredibly huge. This sort of thought process follows me through a lot of aspects of my life in the way I feel about things. Very few things in my life feel important to me, but the few things that do are so gravitational that they matter so much more -- enough to compensate for all the things that don't matter at all.
      It's so cliche to tell people that "I like to laugh, I'm a fun guy! I just wanna have fun and take it easy." I think many of us are like that, and it's a bit redundant to tell. I think that as people we want to live our lives with enjoyment, not in misery.. Perhaps it is best, in the vein of Open Communication for me to talk to you about other parts of me that might be lesser known. I am..sad. Often. Not always. For an INTJ, I express a lot of emotional responses to irrational things and my soul is weighted with melancholy. I also feel it is a bit cliche to talk about depression: it's 2020 and we're all depressed and dealing with our own situations and we all deal with our problems individually -- nobody deals with the same situation exactly the same way. I just don't want it to be a secret. If you decide to talk with me, you'll notice that I like to make jokes a lot, and I will do everything in my power to help you feel better about whatever situation, I work hard to maintain positivity, just, sometimes it's not easy. I am an overthinker, and I postulate on many stupid things that are self destructive and cause a lot of stress in my life. Often, I am extremely sure of things and I am confident with that, but when I am unsure of things or feel in danger, I am anxious and sometimes a mess. I have a lot to give to the right person, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I hope that is perfect for you. So, let this be possibly the most honest R4R post ever written, haha. For real, I just like to laugh, and I'm a fun guy. I just wanna have fun and take it easy!
      Speaking of sureness and confidence; I am a very confident person in my own rights. I know exactly who I am, I am self aware, and I know exactly what I want when I want it and I am not afraid to express it. I am strong willed, I am a leader, and I enjoy being in that position. Often, I think of myself like a Knight; I want to walk with you on your path and I will have my sword and shield ready to aid you in any battle you may come across. There have been a lot of situations that have crossed my path throughout the years, and I am strong and want to be your strength as well. Not that I want to do things for you, but I want to be there with you for those things, to help raise you up and bring you up, to lend you that strength -- in the times when I am weak and hurt, I will need your strength as well.
      I work a lot. On average, I work 10-12 hours a day, but I am fortunate enough to work from home. I create YouTube videos and live stream 5 nights a week, and in my off nights I work around 3-4 hours a day as well. I am not wildly successful or popular, you haven't heard of me, but because of my work I have a lot of available time as well to give to you. I want your time, I want to occupy you
      Physically, I am probably not the most flattering (No, it's not modesty, it's just reality.) I am stocky, and I am working hard to lose weight. Starting in December 2019 I started going to the gym regularly and regulating my diet and adjusting macros so that I could shed some weight and gain some muscle mass. Since December (302 lbs) I weigh in at 259 lbs and continuing to work hard towards that goal. Since the existing Corona Virus, I haven't been able to attend the gym, but I will be going back once the gyms open up -- I have found myself missing the routine and attraction to results and the health I've felt since attending the gym. Feels good to look much better. The other large note about my physical appearance is that I have a beard (It's not giant or anything, but it's a full beard) and I dye it routinely. I bleach and dye the beard myself. Feel free to ask me more about it, but it is another part of my identity that I enjoy as a freedom of expression, a form of creativity, and something that sets me as me. I am not much of the type of person to care what others think about me, so I'm fine with some of the strange looks in public. One of the responses to my previous R4R was "What is that beard I am looking at?!" Is okay, it's not for everyone to go out on a date or show off their boyfriend who has a purple, pink, blue, or firey red beard. I won't judge you for it. Oh, yeah... I'm 5'11". a TALL 5'11", don't get me twisted. I'm basically 6'0".........
      Speaking on Judgement. I am no judicator, and I won't judge you for your history, for your actions, for your decisions or who you are and what you enjoy or like. I mean, ironically I would jest to tease you, but in all seriousness I pride myself on being a safe space for all. There is a quote, I am paraphrasing, but it is something along the lines of, "I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for your right say it." Your religion, your gender, your identity, your sexual preference, your race, we are all human and we are all valid. We are all unique, but we are all equal.
      A relationship, in my opinion, is made up in a sum of lesser pieces to create the greater two parts and I feel it breaks down to: Emotional Connection (Personality compatibility, communication, romance) and Physical Connection. Obviously two people have to like each other to maintain a healthy relationship, but I also feel the need to express that a physical component is equally important in a relationship. I wouldn't say I'm a big kinkster, but I am definitely really open sexually to kinks and adventurous sex lives. In this respect, I am the top in qualifying relationships. Without being "Too Much Information", I have had a painfully vanilla and extremely boring sex life and I really don't want to go in to that a second time. Physical connection is important because when we talk about this sort of thing, or plan to experience this sort of thing, I want to be attracted to you and the situation equally, I would feel horrible if I woke up in the morning next to someone and thought, "I gotta wake up to this face for the next __ years..." I would expect nothing less out of my partner, as well. We have to mesh on every level.
      Also, on sex and attraction. Your face is the most beautiful think I will look at. Sexy photos and nudes are great and all, but if I don't see your face then... what? Honestly, a beautiful smile, eyes that tell that story, the way you do your hair and how you look. Those are things that I find incredibly sexy. Yes, I also think your body is sexy, haha, but, for real, I will fall for you for your face.
      I have a history just like everyone else does. I just want to be up front about it, and honest. I have only had 3.5 relationships in my life. The longest being a 10 year relationship with my ex wife, and the .5 being most recently where I connected with a woman where things got pretty serious for a bit but never established a relationship type of status/connection. I have two children who I see every weekend. I own a house and provide support to a family member in it, as well as co-own it with another family member. To be honest, I am pretty tied to this geographical location, so, just want that to be out there and open.
      I suppose if you've survived this wall of text, my mini novel, it's prudent to tell you what I'm looking for. Emotionally, I'm looking for someone who is similar to me, or at least someone who can take inspiration from me and the words I write, the ways I write them, and looking to have support. I feel that vulnerability is incredibly sexy and I am interested in your vulnerability; I am also interested in giving you mine. There is a special connection when trust is so established that care for one another is on that next level -- the words we exchange should be the ones we let affect us, not the words of a random who is out to cause anarchy. The woman I'm looking for us smart, a little shy, and probably so modest she'd never admit to just who amazing she really is. I will see it in you and I will definitely remind you of it. Physically, she is petite and fit, she has eyes that shine through the darkness and a smile that can lift the heaviest of spirits. Likely she is younger than me by a bit (-3 or more.) Part of my personality is to be a leader and I enjoy sharing experiences and providing that guiding light, and age may play a large part in that. She is equally adventurous in her sex life and willing to try new fun things together, or share existing fun interests with each other.
      In closing, I would like to say thank you for taking the time, if you read through all of this. You are really something else to survive this R4R post, and I'm glad you stuck it out. Hopefully something was interesting enough up there to keep your attention until the end. I have thought while re-writing this post if I should include a photo in the post or not, but I think I will include it above. If you are still reading; have a great day, I appreciate your time, you are incredible and valid, you are awesome and I hope to chat with you if you are that woman for me. I want to fall in love, and wherever you are, I've missed you for a very long time.
submitted by CtrlAltw0rm to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.08.05 20:26 2zO3l8dm5BslXKed 47M - dating/relationship advice

I'm not sure what outcome I am looking for here. I am mainly just getting all of this off my chest since I am feeling worn out lately.
Apologies for the rambling, feel free to grill/challenge/ask me questions.

Some random background stuff:

OK, so relationships...
I dated a little in high-school, had three girlfriends and ultimately married one of them when we were 18. At 19 we had a kid. We were married for 17 years, she had an affair that lasted over a year, told me, we tried to work things out (for a year), and then she decided she was done and wanted to divorce. We divorced, I still loved her but was pissed at her. About 5 years later she committed suicide and I had/have extremely mixed unresolved feelings. Still angry, but also sad. Still in love with who she was, but that is gone.
I've dated twice since then, neither had that spark.
I've also not had many partners (as in 5).
I'm stuck in that my reference point for "being in love" was high-school, full of hormones, that feeling of having your breath taken away, wanting to just *be* with that person, to absorb all that they are. There is a vitality to it, a spark, a certain energy. To say I have missed that is an understatement.
I don't know if mentally, relationship wise, I am stuck at 18 or something, but I have not been attracted to women my age. Women that spark my interest and give me that "feeling"? Well, they are in the 18 - 30 age range. I can't explain what it is.
Lately I've been thinking and it has been getting me down.
After the divorce I've been dealing with depression and put on a lot of weight. I went from "Dad bod" in my 30's to being 47 and very overweight. I'm just tired. I don't think I'm ever going to find another relationship. The women I like are out of my league.
When I focus on myself and keep busy with hobbies I am ok, but in the quiet moments it comes crashing in again.
I've tried the various apps and I don't match with anyone I am interested in.
My ideal?
I want a true partnership, romance, passion to drive each other, and companionship for the long term.
I dunno...
--- **TL;DR;** : I want to feel "in love" again. 
submitted by 2zO3l8dm5BslXKed to self [link] [comments]


2020.06.29 16:32 CtrlAltw0rm 33 [M4F] Alberta/Online - I want to wake up next to you.

      Hey there, my name is Jordan, 33/M/Alberta Canada, looking for a lovely lady (CIS / MtF: ✔️). I am writing this again, and rewriting this, and will continue to evolve this post as I continue in search for you. Please be patient with me, I hope you enjoy reading, because it will be a novel by the time I am finished.
      Not sure what the best way is to write this out, so, I'll just do what I can. Laying in bed restless when I try to sleep, I feel that I always know what I want to write out, but when I sit at the desk I go blank.
      I...don't know it's better to tell you what I'm looking for, or if I try to provide you with what you may be finding here. I will tell you some more about me. You know my name, my age, and my general location but there is so much more. I suppose some type of indication is that I have been classified as an INTJ from the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator testing. That information may be helpful in the coming post if you decide to continue reading.
       I believe strongly that people are so much more complex emotionally and socially than we really take at surface level. So much communication is given without words; the way we look at each other, the way I can hear you smile in your laughter or your words, or the way I can be told a story by looking in your eyes. I can feel your excitement when I see you can't get enough, and I really feed off your anticipation when I know you are wondering about me. You know, I do those things about you, too. It is important, I think, to be able to communicate effectively with the right person, and I always do my best to communicate. In this respect, I actually really value good communication, good conversations, or just good time spent together. Hours on the phone (Discord?) at night in video calls talking about our pasts, our futures, our wants, each other, talking about whatever, and sometimes not even talking at all, just...being together. These are values of mine, and they are incredibly huge. This sort of thought process follows me through a lot of aspects of my life in the way I feel about things. Very few things in my life feel important to me, but the few things that do are so gravitational that they matter so much more -- enough to compensate for all the things that don't matter at all.
      It's so cliche to tell people that "I like to laugh, I'm a fun guy! I just wanna have fun and take it easy." I think many of us are like that, and it's a bit redundant to tell. I think that as people we want to live our lives with enjoyment, not in misery.. Perhaps it is best, in the vein of Open Communication for me to talk to you about other parts of me that might be lesser known. I am..sad. Often. Not always. For an INTJ, I express a lot of emotional responses to irrational things and my soul is weighted with melancholy. I also feel it is a bit cliche to talk about depression: it's 2020 and we're all depressed and dealing with our own situations and we all deal with our problems individually -- nobody deals with the same situation exactly the same way. I just don't want it to be a secret. If you decide to talk with me, you'll notice that I like to make jokes a lot, and I will do everything in my power to help you feel better about whatever situation, I work hard to maintain positivity, just, sometimes it's not easy. I am an overthinker, and I postulate on many stupid things that are self destructive and cause a lot of stress in my life. Often, I am extremely sure of things and I am confident with that, but when I am unsure of things or feel in danger, I am anxious and sometimes a mess. I have a lot to give to the right person, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I hope that is perfect for you. So, let this be possibly the most honest R4R post ever written, haha. For real, I just like to laugh, and I'm a fun guy. I just wanna have fun and take it easy!
      Speaking of sureness and confidence; I am a very confident person in my own rights. I know exactly who I am, I am self aware, and I know exactly what I want when I want it and I am not afraid to express it. I am strong willed, I am a leader, and I enjoy being in that position. Often, I think of myself like a Knight; I want to walk with you on your path and I will have my sword and shield ready to aid you in any battle you may come across. There have been a lot of situations that have crossed my path throughout the years, and I am strong and want to be your strength as well. Not that I want to do things for you, but I want to be there with you for those things, to help raise you up and bring you up, to lend you that strength -- in the times when I am weak and hurt, I will need your strength as well.
      I work a lot. On average, I work 10-12 hours a day, but I am fortunate enough to work from home. I create YouTube videos and live stream 5 nights a week, and in my off nights I work around 3-4 hours a day as well. I am not wildly successful or popular, you haven't heard of me, but because of my work I have a lot of available time as well to give to you. I want your time, I want to occupy you
      Physically, I am probably not the most flattering (No, it's not modesty, it's just reality.) I am stocky, and I am working hard to lose weight. Starting in December 2019 I started going to the gym regularly and regulating my diet and adjusting macros so that I could shed some weight and gain some muscle mass. Since December (302 lbs) I weigh in at 259 lbs and continuing to work hard towards that goal. Since the existing Corona Virus, I haven't been able to attend the gym, but I will be going back once the gyms open up -- I have found myself missing the routine and attraction to results and the health I've felt since attending the gym. Feels good to look much better. The other large note about my physical appearance is that I have a beard (It's not giant or anything, but it's a full beard) and I dye it routinely. I bleach and dye the beard myself. Feel free to ask me more about it, but it is another part of my identity that I enjoy as a freedom of expression, a form of creativity, and something that sets me as me. I am not much of the type of person to care what others think about me, so I'm fine with some of the strange looks in public. One of the responses to my previous R4R was "What is that beard I am looking at?!" Is okay, it's not for everyone to go out on a date or show off their boyfriend who has a purple, pink, blue, or firey red beard. I won't judge you for it. Oh, yeah... I'm 5'11". a TALL 5'11", don't get me twisted. I'm basically 6'0".........
      Speaking on Judgement. I am no judicator, and I won't judge you for your history, for your actions, for your decisions or who you are and what you enjoy or like. I mean, ironically I would jest to tease you, but in all seriousness I pride myself on being a safe space for all. There is a quote, I am paraphrasing, but it is something along the lines of, "I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for your right say it." Your religion, your gender, your identity, your sexual preference, your race, we are all human and we are all valid. We are all unique, but we are all equal.
      A relationship, in my opinion, is made up in a sum of lesser pieces to create the greater two parts and I feel it breaks down to: Emotional Connection (Personality compatibility, communication, romance) and Physical Connection. Obviously two people have to like each other to maintain a healthy relationship, but I also feel the need to express that a physical component is equally important in a relationship. I wouldn't say I'm a big kinkster, but I am definitely really open sexually to kinks and adventurous sex lives. In this respect, I am the top in qualifying relationships. Without being "Too Much Information", I have had a painfully vanilla and extremely boring sex life and I really don't want to go in to that a second time. Physical connection is important because when we talk about this sort of thing, or plan to experience this sort of thing, I want to be attracted to you and the situation equally, I would feel horrible if I woke up in the morning next to someone and thought, "I gotta wake up to this face for the next __ years..." I would expect nothing less out of my partner, as well. We have to mesh on every level.
      Also, on sex and attraction. Your face is the most beautiful think I will look at. Sexy photos and nudes are great and all, but if I don't see your face then... what? Honestly, a beautiful smile, eyes that tell that story, the way you do your hair and how you look. Those are things that I find incredibly sexy. Yes, I also think your body is sexy, haha, but, for real, I will fall for you for your face.
      I have a history just like everyone else does. I just want to be up front about it, and honest. I have only had 3.5 relationships in my life. The longest being a 10 year relationship with my ex wife, and the .5 being most recently where I connected with a woman where things got pretty serious for a bit but never established a relationship type of status/connection. I have two children who I see every weekend. I own a house and provide support to a family member in it, as well as co-own it with another family member. To be honest, I am pretty tied to this geographical location, so, just want that to be out there and open.
      I suppose if you've survived this wall of text, my mini novel, it's prudent to tell you what I'm looking for. Emotionally, I'm looking for someone who is similar to me, or at least someone who can take inspiration from me and the words I write, the ways I write them, and looking to have support. I feel that vulnerability is incredibly sexy and I am interested in your vulnerability; I am also interested in giving you mine. There is a special connection when trust is so established that care for one another is on that next level -- the words we exchange should be the ones we let affect us, not the words of a random who is out to cause anarchy. The woman I'm looking for us smart, a little shy, and probably so modest she'd never admit to just who amazing she really is. I will see it in you and I will definitely remind you of it. Physically, she is petite and fit, she has eyes that shine through the darkness and a smile that can lift the heaviest of spirits. Likely she is younger than me by a bit (-3 or more.) Part of my personality is to be a leader and I enjoy sharing experiences and providing that guiding light, and age may play a large part in that. She is equally adventurous in her sex life and willing to try new fun things together, or share existing fun interests with each other.
      In closing, I would like to say thank you for taking the time, if you read through all of this. You are really something else to survive this R4R post, and I'm glad you stuck it out. Hopefully something was interesting enough up there to keep your attention until the end. I have thought while re-writing this post if I should include a photo in the post or not, but I think I will include it above. If you are still reading; have a great day, I appreciate your time, you are incredible and valid, you are awesome and I hope to chat with you if you are that woman for me. I want to fall in love, and wherever you are, I've missed you for a very long time.
submitted by CtrlAltw0rm to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.06.29 16:31 CtrlAltw0rm 33 [M4F] Alberta/Online - I want to wake up next to you.

      Hey there, my name is Jordan, 33/M/Alberta Canada, looking for a lovely lady (CIS / MtF: ✔️). I am writing this again, and rewriting this, and will continue to evolve this post as I continue in search for you. Please be patient with me, I hope you enjoy reading, because it will be a novel by the time I am finished.
      Not sure what the best way is to write this out, so, I'll just do what I can. Laying in bed restless when I try to sleep, I feel that I always know what I want to write out, but when I sit at the desk I go blank.
      I...don't know it's better to tell you what I'm looking for, or if I try to provide you with what you may be finding here. I will tell you some more about me. You know my name, my age, and my general location but there is so much more. I suppose some type of indication is that I have been classified as an INTJ from the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator testing. That information may be helpful in the coming post if you decide to continue reading.
       I believe strongly that people are so much more complex emotionally and socially than we really take at surface level. So much communication is given without words; the way we look at each other, the way I can hear you smile in your laughter or your words, or the way I can be told a story by looking in your eyes. I can feel your excitement when I see you can't get enough, and I really feed off your anticipation when I know you are wondering about me. You know, I do those things about you, too. It is important, I think, to be able to communicate effectively with the right person, and I always do my best to communicate. In this respect, I actually really value good communication, good conversations, or just good time spent together. Hours on the phone (Discord?) at night in video calls talking about our pasts, our futures, our wants, each other, talking about whatever, and sometimes not even talking at all, just...being together. These are values of mine, and they are incredibly huge. This sort of thought process follows me through a lot of aspects of my life in the way I feel about things. Very few things in my life feel important to me, but the few things that do are so gravitational that they matter so much more -- enough to compensate for all the things that don't matter at all.
      It's so cliche to tell people that "I like to laugh, I'm a fun guy! I just wanna have fun and take it easy." I think many of us are like that, and it's a bit redundant to tell. I think that as people we want to live our lives with enjoyment, not in misery.. Perhaps it is best, in the vein of Open Communication for me to talk to you about other parts of me that might be lesser known. I am..sad. Often. Not always. For an INTJ, I express a lot of emotional responses to irrational things and my soul is weighted with melancholy. I also feel it is a bit cliche to talk about depression: it's 2020 and we're all depressed and dealing with our own situations and we all deal with our problems individually -- nobody deals with the same situation exactly the same way. I just don't want it to be a secret. If you decide to talk with me, you'll notice that I like to make jokes a lot, and I will do everything in my power to help you feel better about whatever situation, I work hard to maintain positivity, just, sometimes it's not easy. I am an overthinker, and I postulate on many stupid things that are self destructive and cause a lot of stress in my life. Often, I am extremely sure of things and I am confident with that, but when I am unsure of things or feel in danger, I am anxious and sometimes a mess. I have a lot to give to the right person, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I hope that is perfect for you. So, let this be possibly the most honest R4R post ever written, haha. For real, I just like to laugh, and I'm a fun guy. I just wanna have fun and take it easy!
      Speaking of sureness and confidence; I am a very confident person in my own rights. I know exactly who I am, I am self aware, and I know exactly what I want when I want it and I am not afraid to express it. I am strong willed, I am a leader, and I enjoy being in that position. Often, I think of myself like a Knight; I want to walk with you on your path and I will have my sword and shield ready to aid you in any battle you may come across. There have been a lot of situations that have crossed my path throughout the years, and I am strong and want to be your strength as well. Not that I want to do things for you, but I want to be there with you for those things, to help raise you up and bring you up, to lend you that strength -- in the times when I am weak and hurt, I will need your strength as well.
      I work a lot. On average, I work 10-12 hours a day, but I am fortunate enough to work from home. I create YouTube videos and live stream 5 nights a week, and in my off nights I work around 3-4 hours a day as well. I am not wildly successful or popular, you haven't heard of me, but because of my work I have a lot of available time as well to give to you. I want your time, I want to occupy you
      Physically, I am probably not the most flattering (No, it's not modesty, it's just reality.) I am stocky, and I am working hard to lose weight. Starting in December 2019 I started going to the gym regularly and regulating my diet and adjusting macros so that I could shed some weight and gain some muscle mass. Since December (302 lbs) I weigh in at 259 lbs and continuing to work hard towards that goal. Since the existing Corona Virus, I haven't been able to attend the gym, but I will be going back once the gyms open up -- I have found myself missing the routine and attraction to results and the health I've felt since attending the gym. Feels good to look much better. The other large note about my physical appearance is that I have a beard (It's not giant or anything, but it's a full beard) and I dye it routinely. I bleach and dye the beard myself. Feel free to ask me more about it, but it is another part of my identity that I enjoy as a freedom of expression, a form of creativity, and something that sets me as me. I am not much of the type of person to care what others think about me, so I'm fine with some of the strange looks in public. One of the responses to my previous R4R was "What is that beard I am looking at?!" Is okay, it's not for everyone to go out on a date or show off their boyfriend who has a purple, pink, blue, or firey red beard. I won't judge you for it. Oh, yeah... I'm 5'11". a TALL 5'11", don't get me twisted. I'm basically 6'0".........
      Speaking on Judgement. I am no judicator, and I won't judge you for your history, for your actions, for your decisions or who you are and what you enjoy or like. I mean, ironically I would jest to tease you, but in all seriousness I pride myself on being a safe space for all. There is a quote, I am paraphrasing, but it is something along the lines of, "I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for your right say it." Your religion, your gender, your identity, your sexual preference, your race, we are all human and we are all valid. We are all unique, but we are all equal.
      A relationship, in my opinion, is made up in a sum of lesser pieces to create the greater two parts and I feel it breaks down to: Emotional Connection (Personality compatibility, communication, romance) and Physical Connection. Obviously two people have to like each other to maintain a healthy relationship, but I also feel the need to express that a physical component is equally important in a relationship. I wouldn't say I'm a big kinkster, but I am definitely really open sexually to kinks and adventurous sex lives. In this respect, I am the top in qualifying relationships. Without being "Too Much Information", I have had a painfully vanilla and extremely boring sex life and I really don't want to go in to that a second time. Physical connection is important because when we talk about this sort of thing, or plan to experience this sort of thing, I want to be attracted to you and the situation equally, I would feel horrible if I woke up in the morning next to someone and thought, "I gotta wake up to this face for the next __ years..." I would expect nothing less out of my partner, as well. We have to mesh on every level.
      Also, on sex and attraction. Your face is the most beautiful think I will look at. Sexy photos and nudes are great and all, but if I don't see your face then... what? Honestly, a beautiful smile, eyes that tell that story, the way you do your hair and how you look. Those are things that I find incredibly sexy. Yes, I also think your body is sexy, haha, but, for real, I will fall for you for your face.
      I have a history just like everyone else does. I just want to be up front about it, and honest. I have only had 3.5 relationships in my life. The longest being a 10 year relationship with my ex wife, and the .5 being most recently where I connected with a woman where things got pretty serious for a bit but never established a relationship type of status/connection. I have two children who I see every weekend. I own a house and provide support to a family member in it, as well as co-own it with another family member. To be honest, I am pretty tied to this geographical location, so, just want that to be out there and open.
      I suppose if you've survived this wall of text, my mini novel, it's prudent to tell you what I'm looking for. Emotionally, I'm looking for someone who is similar to me, or at least someone who can take inspiration from me and the words I write, the ways I write them, and looking to have support. I feel that vulnerability is incredibly sexy and I am interested in your vulnerability; I am also interested in giving you mine. There is a special connection when trust is so established that care for one another is on that next level -- the words we exchange should be the ones we let affect us, not the words of a random who is out to cause anarchy. The woman I'm looking for us smart, a little shy, and probably so modest she'd never admit to just who amazing she really is. I will see it in you and I will definitely remind you of it. Physically, she is petite and fit, she has eyes that shine through the darkness and a smile that can lift the heaviest of spirits. Likely she is younger than me by a bit (-3 or more.) Part of my personality is to be a leader and I enjoy sharing experiences and providing that guiding light, and age may play a large part in that. She is equally adventurous in her sex life and willing to try new fun things together, or share existing fun interests with each other.
      In closing, I would like to say thank you for taking the time, if you read through all of this. You are really something else to survive this R4R post, and I'm glad you stuck it out. Hopefully something was interesting enough up there to keep your attention until the end. I have thought while re-writing this post if I should include a photo in the post or not, but I think I will include it above. If you are still reading; have a great day, I appreciate your time, you are incredible and valid, you are awesome and I hope to chat with you if you are that woman for me. I want to fall in love, and wherever you are, I've missed you for a very long time.
submitted by CtrlAltw0rm to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.06.21 17:58 W00DY420 38 [M4F] #Sumter, SC - ENM/Poly 6'3" 180 Bearded, Tattooed, Pierced teddy bear.

Poly is hard. Connection is apparently harder. I'm a big communication person. Partner is aware and dating herself. I'm retired, I got all day to hangout, talk, cuddle. I want to find a female that understands ENM/poly challenges and joys and can express what they want/need. I'm a chameleon. I am an introvert naturally but alot of work has gone into being more extroverted. I enjoy hanging out in groups or one on one though my preference tends to one on one conversation. I enjoy photography, nature, the sciences and philosophy. ENFP was most recent Meyer's Briggs. I want to find someone who wants to experience and express love. I'll comm by msg or text. Pics on profile. 420 friendly, I use it for pain relief not escapism.
submitted by W00DY420 to polyamoryR4R [link] [comments]


2020.06.07 09:38 ThrowRATheLastYear I [32m] feel like my girlfriend [29f] will never be contented in life, and want to end the relationship, but could lead to her financial ruin if I do.

I am an introvert and an ISTP on the Meyers Briggs test, or green using the True Colors test. I try to make up with my actions, what I lack in emotions.
I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over a year. We are in a polyamorous relationship, but I have not really been seeking other partners since we started dating. She has another partner of around 8 years here referred to as roommate [32m].
She is a very blue, and roommate is orange on the True Colors test. When we first started dating, we both learned we all came from "damaged" families. She has an alcoholic father and emotionally manipulative mother. Roommate is a product of divorce and poverty. I had an alcoholic father and abusive stepmother. At the tomecI thought that she and I had our acts together for the most part regardless.
I've come to realize she has a huge grass is greener on the other side complex. She is in her last year of college, in fact this term should be her last. Since we started dating, I've pretty much shared most everything with her and roommate. I started upgrading my backpacking gear recently, (I am the only one lucky enough to have a full time job, even during this pandamic), and have been passing down my old, but still quite good gear, to her. During a very rainy camping trip, where gear was hard to use, mostly due to her lack of experience, she told me she lived and hated my hand me downs. I had gotten her a 400 dollar hammock for her birthday, but she was still jealous whenever I got myself new gear. She currently is unemployed, and gets financial aid.
Apparently she snd roommate have been trading off working so the other can do school over the years. Roommate is very forgetful, and sort of blames his anxiety whenever things go wrong. She blames her depression when she doesn't want to do things. I suck at emotions, but I cook for them, help in emergencies, and so on. Since we've been dating, I've helped them move when her dad evicted her. I helped when roommate didn't supervise his dog, and she got hit by a car. (She has made an amazing recovery). I connected roommate to a crisis line when his ex called saying she was strung out on heroine. I monitored roommate when he had a bad acid and helped her research how to take care of him, instead of calling the cops. (He took the acid without telling me, but apparently he mentioned it to her).
I don't smoke or partake in recreational drugs. I rarely drink, only socially, and have been drunk less that three times in my life.
The reason I had to recall all of this, is I got into an arguement with girlfriend. Her sister recently had a wedding, even during COVID, and she refused to go. Her mother tormented her for a week. The other day the had a farewell party for her sister at our house (her sister is moving away). I had a day of warning tops. I was still upset at her mother, and told her this. Day of party, I congratulate her sister and sister's new husband, and go hermit mode in the bedroom. Everything is fine, till they want me to download a movie. Turns out it was already on my Plex server, yay! But the girlfriend wants me to watch it with all of them. I told her I didn't want to. She then starts guilt tripping me. I tell her I am tired, ss I have had long meetings at work all week. I didn't mention I had also just had a performance review that afternoon. It was positive, but didn't help my already low social meter. I tell her I would love to hang out after the party, and she leaves pouting, but overall sounded like they had a good time.
The next day, I get the cold shoulder from her, while she and roommate are laughing it up in the living room watching shows. In the evening, I get the following message from her on Messenger: "I’m not happy right now. I need more than what you’re giving me and when you say “halfway happy” it feels like it only applies to me and that I have to be happy with whatever time or affection you’re willing to give, which lately doesn’t feel like a lot. And I get that you don’t like my family, but it was so disrespectful that you wouldn’t even come out and say hi once. Like my sister is leaving on Sunday and that’s it. I won’t be able to see her in person anymore unless there are special circumstances. And it really hurt that you’d rather play a game then spend one measly hour watching a movie with me. I’m really upset and hurt right now."
I had only just started gaming again due to titles I've been waiting years for just coming out recently. I go to her and talk to her about it. I explained how some introverts become drained via social interaction. She accuses me of blaming her for everything and so on. What hurts us that her message says she needs more from me. I pamper her.
It also hurts that when roommate fucks up, we are supportive. Yeah she has given him the cold shoulder before, but never for almost two days. Also my fuck up is being antisocial. His have been almost letting his dog die and taking psychedelics.
I told her how I felt about the disparity. I told her I get that we don't have 8 years of history, but it still stings.
We talked more this morning. She says I've been avoiding her for an entire week. Just the other night, I got her BBQ and she was elated. She gas really short term memory like that. As far as I was concerned everythingvwas fine up till the party. I told her we can hang out tonight to try to ease tensions, and to tell me when she us done with her assignments for school. Around 8 pm she tells me she is good. I told her I will take a break to rest my eyes, and we can hang out. (Allergies and staring at screens all day for work, and whole gaming has made them tired.) I lay in bed with the door open relaxing, and even take her dog out to pee, as she has been sitting on the couch ignoring his whining. At 9:15, I ask her what she would like to do. U get a, "Ehh?" I put on some YouTube. She us zoned in on her phone for around 20 minutes. I consider she might be hungry, and point out I got some food earlier. She shrugs it off. After around 30 minutes I go back to the room. The the Messenger messages again.
The summary of them is we both feel wronged. I told her I need the night to mull things over, and we will talk tomorrow.
I'm considering breaking up tomorrow. The problem is I will probably move out at that point. I am lending her a laptop to remote classes on, so I'll let her use it till the end of the term if I go through with it, but they probably won't be able to afford the place if she doesn't get a job asap, and her degree isn't exactly a high demand field.
The decision would be so much easier if they were more financially stable. Should I even care at this point?
TLDR: I am at wits end about a relationship. I feel I need to end it, but doing so may put partner in a rough financial situation.
submitted by ThrowRATheLastYear to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.06.03 11:40 CtrlAltw0rm 33 [M4F] Canada/Online, I just want to find you, you know?

      Hey there, my name is Jordan, 33/M/Alberta Canada, looking for a lovely lady (CIS / MtF: ✔️). I am writing this again, and rewriting this, and will continue to evolve this post as I continue in search for you. Please be patient with me, I hope you enjoy reading, because it will be a novel by the time I am finished.
      Not sure what the best way is to write this out, so, I'll just do what I can. Laying in bed restless when I try to sleep, I feel that I always know what I want to write out, but when I sit at the desk I go blank.
      I...don't know it's better to tell you what I'm looking for, or if I try to provide you with what you may be finding here. I will tell you some more about me. You know my name, my age, and my general location but there is so much more. I suppose some type of indication is that I have been classified as an INTJ from the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator testing. That information may be helpful in the coming post if you decide to continue reading.
       I believe strongly that people are so much more complex emotionally and socially than we really take at surface level. So much communication is given without words; the way we look at each other, the way I can hear you smile in your laughter or your words, or the way I can be told a story by looking in your eyes. I can feel your excitement when I see you can't get enough, and I really feed off your anticipation when I know you are wondering about me. You know, I do those things about you, too. It is important, I think, to be able to communicate effectively with the right person, and I always do my best to communicate. In this respect, I actually really value good communication, good conversations, or just good time spent together. Hours on the phone (Discord?) at night in video calls talking about our pasts, our futures, our wants, each other, talking about whatever, and sometimes not even talking at all, just...being together. These are values of mine, and they are incredibly huge. This sort of thought process follows me through a lot of aspects of my life in the way I feel about things. Very few things in my life feel important to me, but the few things that do are so gravitational that they matter so much more -- enough to compensate for all the things that don't matter at all.
      It's so cliche to tell people that "I like to laugh, I'm a fun guy! I just wanna have fun and take it easy." I think many of us are like that, and it's a bit redundant to tell. I think that as people we want to live our lives with enjoyment, not in misery.. Perhaps it is best, in the vein of Open Communication for me to talk to you about other parts of me that might be lesser known. I am..sad. Often. Not always. For an INTJ, I express a lot of emotional responses to irrational things and my soul is weighted with melancholy. I also feel it is a bit cliche to talk about depression: it's 2020 and we're all depressed and dealing with our own situations and we all deal with our problems individually -- nobody deals with the same situation exactly the same way. I just don't want it to be a secret. If you decide to talk with me, you'll notice that I like to make jokes a lot, and I will do everything in my power to help you feel better about whatever situation, I work hard to maintain positivity, just, sometimes it's not easy. I am an overthinker, and I postulate on many stupid things that are self destructive and cause a lot of stress in my life. Often, I am extremely sure of things and I am confident with that, but when I am unsure of things or feel in danger, I am anxious and sometimes a mess. I have a lot to give to the right person, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I hope that is perfect for you. So, let this be possibly the most honest R4R post ever written, haha. For real, I just like to laugh, and I'm a fun guy. I just wanna have fun and take it easy!
      Speaking of sureness and confidence; I am a very confident person in my own rights. I know exactly who I am, I am self aware, and I know exactly what I want when I want it and I am not afraid to express it. I am strong willed, I am a leader, and I enjoy being in that position. Often, I think of myself like a Knight; I want to walk with you on your path and I will have my sword and shield ready to aid you in any battle you may come across. There have been a lot of situations that have crossed my path throughout the years, and I am strong and want to be your strength as well. Not that I want to do things for you, but I want to be there with you for those things, to help raise you up and bring you up, to lend you that strength -- in the times when I am weak and hurt, I will need your strength as well.
      I work a lot. On average, I work 10-12 hours a day, but I am fortunate enough to work from home. I create YouTube videos and live stream 5 nights a week, and in my off nights I work around 3-4 hours a day as well. I am not wildly successful or popular, you haven't heard of me, but because of my work I have a lot of available time as well to give to you. I want your time, I want to occupy you
      Physically, I am probably not the most flattering (No, it's not modesty, it's just reality.) I am stocky, and I am working hard to lose weight. Starting in December 2019 I started going to the gym regularly and regulating my diet and adjusting macros so that I could shed some weight and gain some muscle mass. Since December (302 lbs) I weigh in at 259 lbs and continuing to work hard towards that goal. Since the existing Corona Virus, I haven't been able to attend the gym, but I will be going back once the gyms open up -- I have found myself missing the routine and attraction to results and the health I've felt since attending the gym. Feels good to look much better. The other large note about my physical appearance is that I have a beard (It's not giant or anything, but it's a full beard) and I dye it routinely. I bleach and dye the beard myself. Feel free to ask me more about it, but it is another part of my identity that I enjoy as a freedom of expression, a form of creativity, and something that sets me as me. I am not much of the type of person to care what others think about me, so I'm fine with some of the strange looks in public. One of the responses to my previous R4R was "What is that beard I am looking at?!" Is okay, it's not for everyone to go out on a date or show off their boyfriend who has a purple, pink, blue, or firey red beard. I won't judge you for it. Oh, yeah... I'm 5'11". a TALL 5'11", don't get me twisted. I'm basically 6'0".........
      Speaking on Judgement. I am no judicator, and I won't judge you for your history, for your actions, for your decisions or who you are and what you enjoy or like. I mean, ironically I would jest to tease you, but in all seriousness I pride myself on being a safe space for all. There is a quote, I am paraphrasing, but it is something along the lines of, "I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for your right say it." Your religion, your gender, your identity, your sexual preference, your race, we are all human and we are all valid. We are all unique, but we are all equal.
      A relationship, in my opinion, is made up in a sum of lesser pieces to create the greater two parts and I feel it breaks down to: Emotional Connection (Personality compatibility, communication, romance) and Physical Connection. Obviously two people have to like each other to maintain a healthy relationship, but I also feel the need to express that a physical component is equally important in a relationship. I wouldn't say I'm a big kinkster, but I am definitely really open sexually to kinks and adventurous sex lives. In this respect, I am the top in qualifying relationships. Without being "Too Much Information", I have had a painfully vanilla and extremely boring sex life and I really don't want to go in to that a second time. Physical connection is important because when we talk about this sort of thing, or plan to experience this sort of thing, I want to be attracted to you and the situation equally, I would feel horrible if I woke up in the morning next to someone and thought, "I gotta wake up to this face for the next __ years..." I would expect nothing less out of my partner, as well. We have to mesh on every level.
      Also, on sex and attraction. Your face is the most beautiful think I will look at. Sexy photos and nudes are great and all, but if I don't see your face then... what? Honestly, a beautiful smile, eyes that tell that story, the way you do your hair and how you look. Those are things that I find incredibly sexy. Yes, I also think your body is sexy, haha, but, for real, I will fall for you for your face.
      I have a history just like everyone else does. I just want to be up front about it, and honest. I have only had 3.5 relationships in my life. The longest being a 10 year relationship with my ex wife, and the .5 being most recently where I connected with a woman where things got pretty serious for a bit but never established a relationship type of status/connection. I have two children who I see every weekend. I own a house and provide support to a family member in it, as well as co-own it with another family member. To be honest, I am pretty tied to this geographical location, so, just want that to be out there and open.
      I suppose if you've survived this wall of text, my mini novel, it's prudent to tell you what I'm looking for. Emotionally, I'm looking for someone who is similar to me, or at least someone who can take inspiration from me and the words I write, the ways I write them, and looking to have support. I feel that vulnerability is incredibly sexy and I am interested in your vulnerability; I am also interested in giving you mine. There is a special connection when trust is so established that care for one another is on that next level -- the words we exchange should be the ones we let affect us, not the words of a random who is out to cause anarchy. The woman I'm looking for us smart, a little shy, and probably so modest she'd never admit to just who amazing she really is. I will see it in you and I will definitely remind you of it. Physically, she is petite and fit, she has eyes that shine through the darkness and a smile that can lift the heaviest of spirits. Likely she is younger than me by a bit (-3 or more.) Part of my personality is to be a leader and I enjoy sharing experiences and providing that guiding light, and age may play a large part in that. She is equally adventurous in her sex life and willing to try new fun things together, or share existing fun interests with each other.
      In closing, I would like to say thank you for taking the time, if you read through all of this. You are really something else to survive this R4R post, and I'm glad you stuck it out. Hopefully something was interesting enough up there to keep your attention until the end. I have thought while re-writing this post if I should include a photo in the post or not, but I think I will include it above. If you are still reading; have a great day, I appreciate your time, you are incredible and valid, you are awesome and I hope to chat with you if you are that woman for me. I want to fall in love, and wherever you are, I've missed you for a very long time.
submitted by CtrlAltw0rm to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.05.22 00:14 chacham2 The Republic: Women and children

[Continuing from The Republic: The three attributes of the soul.]
Socrates had to be forced in order to talk of his definition of justice and how to examine his city, initially resisting the call for him to explain his views. Yet, when done, he seemed rather excited to talk of the five types regimes, to the point where Adeimantus had to stop him to ask him to speak of the women.
Overall, Socrates seemed to look down on women, considering them inferior, saying things like (65/388a):
“So, we’d be right in taking out the wailings of renowned men and we’d give them to women—and not to the serious ones, at that—and to all the bad men.
(74/395e):
“So then,” I said, “we won’t allow those whom we claim we care for and who must themselves become good men to imitate women—since they are men—either a young woman or an older one, or one who’s abusing her husband, or one who’s striving with gods and boasting because she supposes herself to be happy, or one who’s caught in the grip of misfortune, mourning and wailing. And we’ll be far from needing one who’s sick or in love or in labor.”
(77/398e):
“They’re useless even for women who are to be decent, let alone for men.”
(109/431c):
“And, further, one would find many diverse desires, pleasures, and pains, especially in children, women, domestics, and in those who are called free among the common many.”
And to women that are needed for certain activities, they will simply be common:
Earlier, Socrates had simply stated the women were held in common (101/423e):
“If by being well educated they become sensible men, they’ll easily see to all this and everything else we are now leaving out—that the possession of women, marriage, and procreation of children must as far as possible be arranged according to the proverb that friends have all things in common.”
“Yes,” he said, “that would be the most correct way.”
Because Auxiliaries can simply not afford to make a woman happy (97/420a):
So, if they should wish to make a private trip away from home, it won’t even be possible for them, or give gifts to lady companions, or make expenditures wherever else they happen to wish, such as those made by the men reputed to be happy.
Although he does not say it outright, he clearly believes there are two types of people, or adults, at least. (Incidentally, he believes there are five types of regimes, four attributes of a city, three attributes of the soul, two types of people, and one right way to live. Alternatively, two can be the two attributes that are in control, i.e., the rational function and Intuition. The less people or more private you get, the less variety there is. I don't think that is necessarily a relevant point, but it seems interesting nonetheless.) And so now we must speak of the women. But why now? It would seem he already dealt with the subject. Women are basically babymakers and harlots they are held in common and used as needed (by the Auxiliaries at least, as the wage-earning class is not being spoken of here).
Bloom has his own approach to this entire section, and it is a really interesting approach. I would like to suggest a different approach though, coming from the same idea as before, that Socrates/Plato is going to his midlife crisis. First he denied the existence of the another temperament, then he accepted it but considered it inferior, then he accepted it as necessary. Function-wise, he accepted there were two irrational functions aside from the rational, though he demanded that Sensation be under control of the others. Socrates has matured. And now with his conscious orientation set in order, he can deal with the other hardship of midlife, that is, the unconscious. At first he denied it, then he accepted them under careful control when they are useful, until finally in the good city they would have laws about temples. He has accepted the archetypes, though with some hesitation as he controls the stories. The unconscious itself, however, has not been fully accepted, and perhaps that's where the women come in.
Socrates is still looking at women in relation to men and not of themselves. To a man, woman represents the unconscious and cohabitation is a strong form of projection. When he was in denial, women were to be tightly controlled and used as needed with no special value attributed to them. But now that he has grown and is more accepting of the unknown, women can be treated differently. He can now deal with accepting the validity of the unconscious, the next natural step.
([The following parenthetical comment is not meant to be a fair treatment of the matter. It is nothing more than some thoughts on this particular point.]
As an aside, the conversation was with Glaucon, when it was Polemarchus and Adeimantus that raised the objection. Perhaps this is because Glaucon practiced Greek homosexuality (81/402d):
“It’s the musical man who would most of all love such human beings, while if there were one who lacked harmony, he wouldn’t love him.”
“No, he wouldn’t,” he said, “at least if there were some defect in the soul. If, however, there were some bodily defect, he’d be patient and would willingly take delight in him.”
“I understand,” I said. “You have, or had, such a boy and I concede your point. But tell me this: does excessive pleasure have anything in common with moderation?”
(148/468b):
“Is it or isn’t it your opinion that the man who has proved best and earned a good reputation must first be crowned by each of those who made the campaign with him, youths and boys in turn?”
“It surely is.” “And what about this? Must his right hand be shaken?”
“That too.”
“But I suppose,” I said, “you wouldn’t go so far as to accept this further opinion.” >
“What?”
“That he kiss and be kissed by each.”
“Most of all,” he said. “And I add to the law that as long as they are on that campaign no one whom he wants to kiss be permitted to refuse, so that if a man happens to love someone, either male or female, he would be more eager to win the rewards of valor.”
Socrates for the most part just accepts it and moves on, though he does suggest some laws about it when speaking with Glaucon (82/403b):
“Then this pleasure mustn’t approach love, and lover and boy who love and are loved in the right way mustn’t be partner to it?”
“By Zeus, no, Socrates,” he said, “this pleasure certainly mustn’t approach love.”
“So then, as it seems, you’ll set down a law in the city that’s being founded: that a lover may kiss, be with, and touch his boy as though he were a son, for fair purposes, if he persuades him; but, as for the rest, his intercourse with the one for whom he cares will be such that their relationship will never be reputed to go further than this. If not, he’ll be subject to blame as unmusical and inexperienced in fair things.”
I do not see Adeimantus taking part in this, nor Polemarchus. If only Glaucon was so forthcoming of his behavior, it might make sense why it was the others that objected to the treatment of women. Glaucon the SP was for the Auxiliaries kissing anybody and they may not refuse. Polemarcus the SJ, wants the woman's role defined clearly, and the same Adeimantus who objected for the happiness of the Auxiliaries at the beginning of book 4, is here demanding the women and children be addressed. Glaucon agrees, and so does Thrasymachus.)
The question here is not just of women, but of women and children. Mostly because just like women are not participating with the men, so the children do not. Also, it is accepted that it is the women who will raise the children, much like the noble lie was to speak of Mother Earth in the form of Autohchthony. It would make sense then when dealing with accepting the unconscious and its projection onto women, to deal with children as well, that is, those contents that will soon become conscious. This is perhaps evident in Socrates explanation of his hesitation:
“What a thing you’ve done in arresting me,” I said. “How much discussion you’ve set in motion, from the beginning again as it were, about the regime I was delighted to think I had already described, content if one were to leave it at accepting these things as they were stated then. You don’t know how great a swarm of arguments you’re stirring up with what you are now summoning to the bar. I saw it then and passed by so as not to cause a lot of trouble.”
He continues to explain his hesitation is even more by this new topic, because he is not certain of it, and he is afraid of slipping, falling down, and dragging others with him. It's not very telling terminology, but it does fit quite well with the unconscious:
To speak knowing the truth, among prudent and dear men, about what is greatest and dear, is a thing that is safe and encouraging. But to present arguments at a time when one is in doubt and seeking—which is just what I am doing—is a thing both frightening and slippery. It’s not because I’m afraid of being laughed at—that’s childish—but because I’m afraid that in slipping from the truth where one least ought to slip, I’ll not only fall myself but also drag my friends down with me.
A little later he uses another metaphor of the unconscious, in the form of water:
“It isn’t,” I said. “However, it is a fact that whether one falls into a little swimming pool or into the middle of the biggest sea, one nevertheless swims all the same.”
“Most certainly.”
“Then we too must swim and try to save ourselves from the argument, hoping that some dolphin might take us on his back or for some other unusual rescue.”
And then he starts by going back to the known position, that the Auxiliaries, to him, are (noble) dogs, and that women are weaker and acquired by men:
“For human beings born and educated as we described, there is, in my opinion, no right acquisition and use of children and women other than in their following that path along which we first directed them. Presumably we attempted in the argument to establish the men as guardians of a herd.”
“Yes.”
“So let’s follow this up by prescribing the birth and rearing that go along with it and consider whether they suit us or not.”
“How?” he said.
“Like this. Do we believe the females of the guardian dogs must guard the things the males guard along with them and hunt with them, and do the rest in common; or must they stay indoors as though they were incapacitated as a result of bearing and rearing the puppies, while the males work and have all the care of the flock?”
“Everything in common,” he said, “except that we use the females as weaker and the males as stronger.”
“Is it possible,” I said, “to use any animal for the same things if you don’t assign it the same rearing and education?”
“No, it’s not possible.”
“If, then, we use the women for the same things as the men, they must also be taught the same things.”
“Yes.”
With those three givens, he can now treat the women as equal and give them the same as the men. This is similar to how he treated the SJ temperament earlier, where he developed his noble dogs and told them what to believe before accepting them. He did the same with the functions when he finally accepting Sensation as being valid after deriding it. Here too he wants to make sure the unconscious is at a lower level than consciousness so as not to pose a threat, and only then will he deal with it on serious and equal grounds.
The first thing they cover is gymnastics. In Greece, exercise in gymnasiums was unclad, this would mean that were women taught the same as men, men and women would be exercising together in the nude, which was not readily acceptable to them:
“What’s the most ridiculous thing you see among them?” I said. “Or is it plain that it’s the women exercising naked with the men in the palaestras, not only the young ones, but even the older ones, too, like the old men in the gymnasiums who, when they are wrinkled and not pleasant to the eye, all the same love gymnastic?”
“By Zeus!” he said, “that would look ridiculous in the present state of things.”
The exact reason for it being ridiculous is not expressed, and Bloom's explanation is that much of the discussion is in response to Aristophanes criticism. (I was wondering if it had to due with the Greek's idea of perfection of the human body was specifically male, with the female body considered a joke by comparison. Some basic searching did not offer clarity.) Though, he then compares the Greeks to the barbarians:
“But since we’ve begun to speak, we must make our way to the rough part of the law, begging these men, not to mind their own business, but to be serious; and reminding them that it is not so long ago that it seemed shameful and ridiculous to the Greeks—as it does now to the many among the barbarians—to see men naked; and that when the Cretans originated the gymnasiums, and then the Lacedaemonians, it was possible for the urbane of the time to make a comedy of all that. Or don’t you suppose so?”
“I do.”
“But, I suppose, when it became clear to those who used these practices that to uncover all such things is better than to hide them, then what was ridiculous to the eyes disappeared in the light of what’s best as revealed in speeches. And this showed that he is empty who believes anything is ridiculous other than the bad, and who tries to produce laughter looking to any sight as ridiculous other than the sight of the foolish and the bad; or, again, he who looks seriously to any standard of beauty he sets up other than the good.”
In this comparison, the Greeks are more conscious and enlightened than their barbarian counterparts, with nakedness being an internal shame that can be tossed away with speeches. Socrates here is starting off the discussion of the unconscious by calling it primitive. With this, he is setting up the idea of the contradiction that how can men and women be treated the same as if they are equal, if they are not actually equal. Or, using other terms, how can the unconscious be considered equal if we consider it primitive. It is a contradiction between what he consciously sees and an unconscious idea that he is becoming aware of:
“This, Glaucon, and many other things of the sort,” I said, “foreseeing them long ago, is what I was frightened of, and I shrank from touching the law concerning the possession and rearing of the women and children.”
And although he is afraid, the contradiction will force him to learn:
“Come, then,” I said, “let’s see if we can find the way out. Now we agree that one nature must practice one thing and a different nature must practice a different thing, and that women and men are different. But at present we are asserting that different natures must practice the same things. Is this the accusation against us?”
“Exactly.”
“Oh, Glaucon,” I said, “the power of the contradicting art is grand.”
After going back and forth over the contradiction, he finally agrees that men and women should be treated equally, and justifies it as being natural:
“Then we have come around full circle to where we were before and agree that it’s not against nature to assign music and gymnastic to the women guardians.”
“That’s entirely certain.”
“Then we weren’t giving laws that are impossible or like prayers, since the law we were setting down is according to nature. Rather, the way things are nowadays proves to be, as it seems, against nature.”
“So it seems.”
And so the women shall be like men, and the men must accept it. Working off the earlier idea that only the unconscious barbarians are afraid of nakedness, he is accepting the unconscious, but only after forcing the content to become conscious:
“Then the women guardians must strip, since they’ll clothe themselves in virtue instead of robes, and they must take common part in war and the rest of the city’s guarding, and must not do other things. But lighter parts of these tasks must be given to the women than the men because of the weakness of the class. And the man who laughs at naked women practicing gymnastic for the sake of the best, ‘plucks from his wisdom an unripe fruit for ridicule’ and doesn’t know—as it seems—at what he laughs or what he does. For this is surely the fairest thing that is said and will be said—the beneficial is fair and the harmful ugly.”
On top of this, he puts forth the second idea, that women and children are common.
“All these women are to belong to all these men in common, and no woman is to live privately with any man. And the children, in their turn, will be in common, and neither will a parent know his own offspring, nor a child his parent.”
The idea isn't actually new, as he mentioned it in book 4 (101/424a):
“Their education and rearing,” I said. “If by being well educated they become sensible men, they’ll easily see to all this and everything else we are now leaving out—that the possession of women, marriage, and procreation of children must as far as possible be arranged according to the proverb that friends have all things in common.”
So why is he so hesitant about this idea if it was already introduced earlier with no hesitation? I would suggest that what is different here is that the women are now Auxiliaries, and yet they still are held in common. Perhaps a second point is the children, who were not dealt with before, might have been raised earlier with their mothers, giving a sense of family where only the father is not known, yet here they are raised as part of the community, where neither parent is known. This joins the women and children even further into the autochthony with the abolishment of the family and it is only the city that exists. This will completely abolish the unconscious nature in knowing a woman, in that they are all treated to the rule of consciousness.
The problem is, that men and women have desires, and the rule cannot get rid of that:
“Well, then,” I said, “you, their lawgiver, just as you selected the men, will hand over the women to them, having selected them in the same way too, with natures that are as similar as possible. And all of them will be together, since they have common houses and mess, with no one privately possessing anything of the kind. And, mixed together in gymnastic exercise and the rest of the training, they’ll be led by an inner natural necessity to sexual mixing with one another, I suppose. Or am I not, in your opinion, speaking of necessities?”
“Not geometrical but erotic necessities,” he said, “which are likely to be more stinging than the others when it comes to persuading and attracting the bulk of the people.”
“Very much so,” I said. “But, next, Glaucon, to have irregular intercourse with one another, or to do anything else of the sort, isn’t holy in a city of happy men nor will the rulers allow it.”
“No,” he said, “it’s not just.”
“Then it’s plain that next we’ll make marriages sacred in the highest possible degree. And the most beneficial marriages would be sacred.”
After saying the men will hold the women in common, he backtracks by saying they must control their desire. Bloom suggests that Socrates is trying to control eros, forgetting the body and focusing on the soul. Considering the earlier discussion of letting them be with the boys, i am not convinced he is controlling desire here insofar as controlling pregnancy and children. But if it takes a woman to project his unconscious, and Socrates wants to control the unconscious, the men cannot be allowed with the women at their leisure. That must be controlled. And to do that, he once again turns to animals, as he does each time the nature of those not like him look like they might get out of control. Spirited Guardians, let's treat them like "noble" dogs and control their spirit. Desirous Auxiliaries, lets treat them like "noble" cocks:
“So then, how will they be most beneficial? Tell me this, Glaucon. For I see hunting dogs and quite a throng of noble cocks in your house. Did you, in the name of Zeus, ever notice something about their marriages and procreation?”
“What?” he said.
“First, although they are all noble, aren’t there some among them who are and prove to be best?”
“There are.”
And from there he speaks of dogs and horses and ultimately humans:
“My, my, dear comrade,” I said, “how very much we need eminent rulers after all, if it is also the same with the human species.”
And just like the Guardians had to be raised on the noble lie, so to the men and women will have to be fed lies. And, ostensibly due to them fighting nature, many lies:
“To this,” I said. “It’s likely that our rulers will have to use a throng of lies and deceptions for the benefit of the ruled. And, of course, we said that everything of this sort is useful as a form of remedy.”
“And we were right,” he said.
“Now, it seems it is not the least in marriages and procreations, that this ‘right’ comes into being.”
“How so?”
“On the basis of what has been agreed,” I said, “there is a need for the best men to have intercourse as often as possible with the best women, and the reverse for the most ordinary men with the most ordinary women; and the offspring of the former must be reared but not that of the others, if the flock is going to be of the most eminent quality. And all this must come to pass without being noticed by anyone except the rulers themselves if the guardians’ herd is to be as free as possible from faction.”
“Quite right,” he said.
So, to make the women common and thus conscious like the men, they must treat both like animals, or unconscious, to remove the problems. It seems Socrates has gone from one end to the other. To further the point how this is unconscious, he adds rituals to their procreation:
“So then, certain festivals and sacrifices must be established by law at which we’ll bring the brides and grooms together, and our poets must make hymns suitable to the marriages that take place. The number of the marriages we’ll leave to the rulers in order that they may most nearly preserve the same number of men, taking into consideration wars, diseases, and everything else of the sort; and thus our city will, within the limits of the possible, become neither big nor little.”
Another reason this would need to be unconscious, perhaps, is the problem of opposites. If Guardians and Auxiliaries are chosen due to their natures, both the men and the women will be predominantly SJ. It is generally accepted that opposites attract, meaning these men are less likely to project on these women. And especially if they choose the "best" of both, their natures are likely to be even closer.
Meyers-Briggs has an entire chapter on the subject, Type and Marriage, where they looked at 375 couples based on reported type and found:
Alike Preferences Percent
All 9
Three 35
Two 33
One 19
None 4
This can be a real problem for mating especially if they have the boys around to satisfy their most basic desires. Ultimately, there are plenty of ways to try to take control here, but it must be by the rulers finding what works. Which means, in any case, the actors of the procreation will be treated as unconscious animals, with the rulers consciously controlling them.
Once they get older and we have no need for them as breeders, they can do as they wish, and just abort any resultant fetuses:
“Now I suppose that when the women and the men are beyond the age of procreation, we will, of course, leave them free to have intercourse with whomsoever they wish, except with a daughter, a mother, the children of their daughters and the ancestors of their mother, and, as for the women, except with a son and a father and the descendants of the one and the ancestors of the other; and all this only after they have been told to be especially careful never to let even a single foetus see the light of day, if one should be conceived, and, if one should force its way, to deal with it on the understanding that there’s to be no rearing for such a child.”
The reason for these abortions is that by not being the best they will not be used (as Auxiliaries) and hence will not be controlled. Why they don't let them simply be wage-earners is not addressed, perhaps because Socrates is trying very hard to assert control over the uncontrollable unconscious, he misses the obvious. Similarly, a little earlier, he decided that even amongst the good children, the bad ones are removed. (Though he wasn't killing them there, at least not directly.):
“So, I think, they will take the offspring of the good and bring them into the pen to certain nurses who live apart in a certain section of the city. And those of the worse, and any of the others born deformed, they will hide away in an unspeakable and unseen place, as is seemly.”
In any case, since they are common, they will not know who their parents or children are, so that will have to be generational:
“But how will they distinguish one another’s fathers and daughters and the others you just mentioned?”
“Not at all,” I said. “But of all the children born in the tenth month, and in the seventh, from the day a man becomes a bridegroom, he will call the males sons and the females daughters; and they will call him father; and in the same way, he will call their offspring grandchildren, and they in their turn will call his group grandfathers and grandmothers; and those who were born at the same time their mothers and fathers were procreating they will call sisters and brothers. Thus, as we were just saying, they won’t touch one another. The law will grant that brothers and sisters live together if the lot falls out that way and the Pythia concurs.”
This new rule, takes the idea that the entire city is one family further, with the idea that an entire generation are your parents, and the same with your children:
“What about your guardians? Would any one of them be in the habit of holding one of his fellow guardians to be an outsider or address him as such?”
“Not at all,” he said. “With everyone he happens to meet, he’ll hold that he’s meeting a brother, or a sister, or a father, or a mother, or a son, or a daughter or their descendants or ancestors.”
(As an aside, it seems interesting that when it comes to incest, Socrates considers it taboo to mate with ancestors and progeny, but has no issue with siblings. Bloom comments on this as well.)
Socrates then digresses to speak of the Guardians happiness:
“Do you remember,” I said, “that previously an argument—I don’t know whose—reproached us with not making the guardians happy; they, for whom it’s possible to have what belongs to the citizens, have nothing? We said, I believe, that if this should happen to come up at some point, we would consider it later, but that now we were making the guardians guardians and the city as happy as we could, but we were not looking exclusively to one group in it and forming it for happiness.”
“I remember,” he said.
“Well, then, if the life of our auxiliaries now appears far finer and better than that of the Olympic victors, is there any risk that it will in some way appear comparable to that of the shoemakers or any other craftsmen or to that of the farmers?”
“Not in my opinion,” he said.
“Moreover, it is just to say here too, as I said there, that if the guardian attempts to become happy in such a way that he is no longer a guardian, and such a moderate, steady, and (as we assert) best life won’t satisfy him; but, if a foolish adolescent opinion about happiness gets hold of him, it will drive him to appropriate everything in the city with his power, and he’ll learn that Hesiod was really wise when he said that somehow ‘the half is more than the whole.’ ”
“If he follows my advice,” he said, “he’ll stay in this life."
Socrates is not remembering that it was Adeimantus who made that objection, which is odd, as he is relating the entire story to Plato, including the part where Adeimantus objected. Unless it's saying that he remembers that he didn't remember just then, which would seem to be an irrelevant point anyway. Nonetheless, he "remembers" incorrectly. The conversation he is referring to was at the beginning of book 4:
And Adeimantus interrupted and said, “What would your apology be, Socrates, if someone were to say that you’re hardly making these men happy, and further, that it’s their own fault—they to whom the city in truth belongs but who enjoy nothing good from the city as do others, who possess lands, and build fine big houses, and possess all the accessories that go along with these things, and make private sacrifices to gods, and entertain foreigners, and, of course, also acquire what you were just talking about, gold and silver and all that’s conventionally held to belong to men who are going to be blessed? But, he would say, they look exactly like mercenary auxiliaries who sit in the city and do nothing but keep watch.”
Socrates did not say they would push it off until later either, instead, he added to the question and then answered that the Guardians were indeed happy:
We’ll say that it wouldn’t be surprising if these men, as they are, are also happiest. However, in founding the city we are not looking to the exceptional happiness of any one group among us but, as far as possible, that of the city as a whole.
Indeed, he continues that by pointing out they were dealing with the question exactly then:
We supposed we would find justice most in such a city, and injustice, in its turn, in the worst-governed one, and taking a careful look at them, we would judge what we’ve been seeking for so long. Now then, we suppose we’re fashioning the happy city—a whole city, not setting apart a happy few and putting them in it. We’ll consider its opposite presently.
And he goes on at length. Why then does Socrates not remember who made the argument, and why does he think he put it off for later? The answer to the first question might be simply because Adeimantus pointed to an unknown accuser, "if someone were to say". Socrates could simply be referring to the unknown, or even poking fun at the stupidity of this unknown accuser, who obviously did not realize the perfection of his city. He could also be saying that he didn't really answer the question earlier, as when he found the Guardians to be happy they still did not have "exceptional happiness," which was just enough to stave off the accuser but not actually answer the question. But here he will address it properly.
It would also seem this entire digression was due to Socrates upsetting so much of what was considered normal, that he had to reassure himself them the people he is controlling are happy, and this is the only way they will be happy. In a sense, this is a defense mechanism against what he is denying from the unconscious.
He then returns to the women and children, first repeating the women will be like the men, but only where they can do the same:
“Then,” I said, “as we’ve described it, do you accept the community of the women with the men in education, children, and guarding the rest of the citizens; and that both when they are staying in the city and going out to war, they must guard and hunt together like dogs, and insofar as possible have everything in every way in common; and that in doing this they’ll do what’s best and nothing contrary to the nature of the female in her relationship with the male, nothing contrary to the natural community of the two with each other?”
Though, in war, he gives them a different roll, that is, to make sure the children are reared properly:
“That they’ll carry out their campaigns in common, and, besides, they’ll lead all the hardy children to the war, so that, like the children of the other craftsmen, they can see what they’ll have to do in their craft when they are grown up.
A bit later he addresses it again with an "if," and giving them a secondary role:
And if the females join in the campaign too, either stationed in the line itself, or in the rear, to frighten the enemies and in case there should ever be any need of help-I know that with all this they would be unbeatable.
The children, however, will follow them into war to gain experience like any apprentice, and it will also help the men fight, because they want to show off:
“And further, every animal fights exceptionally hard in the presence of its offspring.”
It would seem, that just like when speaking of the parts of the soul, after much back and forth, Socrates finally accepted the function of Sensation, but under the control of the other two, here he has accepted women and children, but only secondary to the men. If i can be allowed to take it further, and say the women represent the unconscious and the (male) children, the preconscious. He has accepted the supportive role of the unconscious, but only the parts he can control, and has accepted the preconscious under his guidance. It would seem he has made some partial success at integration, but is still hesitant with the unknown.
submitted by chacham2 to understanding_jung [link] [comments]


2020.05.15 22:50 Dutchess_of_Dimples How this ENTJ female found love (and some advice on how you might find yours)

There was a pretty popular poll on this sub a few days ago asking where ENTJ ladies have found love. My comment got a little bit of traction:
I met my husband (an INTJ) using OKCupid (before online dating was all swipes). We both answered over 300 questions, were a 99% match. A+ 10/10 would do again
And I ended up exchanging a few comments with a 19 y/o male StryrTD who was interested in meeting his own ENTJ lady. I mentioned I might have some ideas ways to go about meeting women like me (if I were single AND once group gatherings are back on the social menu). The OP mo_tag said that if I had advice I should just share it with the whole class. I didn't want to share half-baked thoughts with the whole class, so here I am... Sharing lightly roasted and fully baked thoughts with the whole class.
Right off the bat, a standard disclaimer: I only speak for myself. I am a female ENTJ but the Meyer's Briggs doesn't capture 100% of a person's personality or preferences. Everything I say here is my own opinion and should be taken as such. I hope that others will join in to add value and further the discussion.
Quick info about me: I am a 30-year-old ENTJ, quite happily married to a 30-year-old INTJ. I am a straight, white, (currently) middle /(brought up as) upper-middle class, well-educated woman. My husband is a straight, white, (currently) middle/ (brought up as) lower-middle class, educated man. These and MANY more features of my life impact the things I'll have to say below.
I don't have up-to-date knowledge in the scene of online dating currently, so I can't really speak to that. I can say that the algorithms that OkCupid used to have in place (8-10 years ago) were pretty snazzy and made a lot of sense.
That doesn't help anyone much today (I believe the platform is quite different today). Honestly, I can't imagine trying to find a spouse in today's instant gratification moment, but IF I WERE, there are a few things I know I'd do (or want my potential partner to do).
Perhaps my word vomit will help some ENTJ find their spouse or a non-ENTJ find their ENTJ...
Well, I've now wasted a few hours blabbering about this topic and I'm curious if other ENTJs think I'm full of shit or agree. As a singular person, it's hard to know which parts of my personality are fueled by my ENTJ-ness and which parts are just me.
Happy Friday, internet.
Edit: spelling, formatting
submitted by Dutchess_of_Dimples to entj [link] [comments]


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